Smiling At the Future

Life was always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. – Paulo Coelho

If you’re anything like me, you’re a person who can make things happen.  No really.  I can Make. Things. Happen.  For those familiar with DiSC behavioral profiles, I am an off-the-charts “D”.  My natural instinct, the way my brain works, is to jump into action, especially when it seems that there is a problem.  I want it fixed.  And I want to fix it now.  In order to do that, the way my brain works, that means that something must be done.  Now!

And sometimes, that jumping into action makes things worse, if I’m honest.  If I’m honest, I’ll admit that if I’d stopped to check in — to pray, to ask God, checked in with my heart — the answer would come.  And that answer would be this:

Wait.

I know.  I know the answer will come.  I know that this will be followed by a time of a great deal of activity.  I know that this is a part of the journey.  But for the time being, it’s time to wait.  It’s time to wait for an idea to be fully formed.  It’s time to wait on answers from people who are busy with other things.  It’s time to take time.  It’s time to wait.

And Tom Petty was right.  The waiting is the hardest part.  It is for me anyway.

Still, waiting isn’t necessarily passive.  Look at Psalms.  David was a busy guy.  In Psalms 27, he wrote:

Wait for the Lord.  Be strong and let your heart take courage;  Yes, wait for the Lord

At the same time, he tells us that he meditated.  He tells us he sang praises.  He made offerings.  He cried out to God.  And while he was doing all that, he had a kingdom to run, you know.

So yes.  There are times when it’s easy to listen to those who would scream out at you, “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!”  “Get busy!”  “Take action!”  And for those who have known me any amount of time at all, you know I’m a big fan of action.  So let’s be clear.  When you’re waiting, that doesn’t mean it’s time to be doing nothing.  The time of waiting isn’t a time of passive waiting.

It’s the time to be cleaning out and organizing that closet.  It’s the time to get to the gym (or outside!) and workout.  It’s the time to edit the photos you took last week, catch up with your girlfriends, rewrite your resume, walk the dog, take out the trash.  Go to a museum.  Learn a new language.   Get a massage.  Take a hot bath.  Look at the full moon.  Meditate.  Pray.  Sing.  If there is one area of your life where the answer is ‘to wait’, there is still plenty to be done.

So wait.  Trust.  And wait.  But do your part and wait actively.

In what areas of your life do you know it’s time to wait?  What else can you do while you actively wait?

Love,

deb

(photo credit:  Batega )

A little more about this space, where I’ve been, and where this is all going.  (Since you all asked.  Well….some of you have asked.  We’ll get to the ‘where it’s going’ bit in a bit too. )

Yes.  I had a nice-sized following on Twitter and Facebook, and a blog I’d spent three years building up that had led to other writing gigs.  And the business, of course.  I did all the things you’re supposed to do to build traffic, to build the numbers.  And then some things happened.  Life happened.

OK.  Let’s be real here.  ‘The guy’ happened.  To delve deeper would take a novel.  But there’s something key to know about that guy.  That guy knew me.  No.  Really.  He knew me.  He came back into my life at just the right moment, and was the only person who could have seen — and gotten past — my defenses, and the walls I’d put up around my heart.  He reminded me of who I was.  I could totally and completely be myself with him and felt fulfilled.

Then he broke my heart.  But that part, for the intents and purposes of this post, is not the important part.  He got through.  Which led me, over time, to feel more and more like I was holding up the old blog, parts of the business, parts of my personality, parts of me — that were no longer true.

Don’t Give Up

(If you read those three words and hear Kate Bush singing, you’re my new BFF.  Email me immediately.  ;-))

But I didn’t want to give it up.  Just like anyone who has invested time, sweat, energy, emotion, love, passion, and all that we invest in anything (relationships, jobs, kids, friendships, our beliefs)……I didn’t want to give it up.  I justified it all because of what I had accomplished and done.  I fought letting those parts that had dried up go because of all the work, all of me, that I’d put into it.

Whew!  That’s Hard!

But it didn’t work.  It was a struggle to keep it going.  It was a struggle to keep it up. It was a fight.  And I had to be someone that was increasingly not really ‘me’.

And that’s what we do, isn’t it?

Whether it’s a job, or relationship, a dream, a lifestyle, or a project, whatever it is….whether it is something we decided was right for us and we pursued or even when it’s something that God put in our lives for a time or a specific reason that is no longer a part of His plan for us…..we hold on.

Wade in the Water

Elijah predicted a drought in I Kings 17 and was told to go to a brook where the ravens brought bread and meat in the morning and in the evening.  And in verse 7, it happens.

“And it happened after a while, that the brook dried up, because there was no rain in the land.  Then the word of the Lord came to him, saying, ‘Arise go…..’”

The brook dries up.  And still, we sit there.  We sit there and wait for the water to start flowing again.  We work harder.  We try harder.  We bang our fists against the rock.  We dig in the dirt.  We try to make the water flow again.

We become someone else for someone else to make a relationship work because we’re already invested.  We try the same strategy (or a new one) to make the same dream come to life because we’ve been at it so long and are so determined, that we just can’t give it up.  We don’t want to let other people down.  We worry about what other people will think.  So we try harder to make it work.  We justify it.  We defend it.  We push on and don’t even notice the tension, the stress, the strain, the unhappiness.

And that?  That all becomes our new normal.  The tension, the stress, the strain.  We start to think that’s us…..being happy.  And free.  And normal.

And that’s what happened, folks.  The brook dried up.  And I fought it.  I fought it hard.  But the brook dried up and it was time to “Arise!  Go!”

When it’s time, it’s time.  Sometimes, the brook dries up and it’s time to move on to a new place where everything flows freely and abundantly again.  Sure.  That might mean there is time where you walk in the wilderness for a bit. But me?  I’m heading for the ocean.  What about you?

Has your brook dried up?  In any area of your life?  Is it time to arise and walk?  To take some action?  Or to let something go?  Are you digging in the dirt?  Or wading in the water?

Love

deb

(Photo credit:  Deb Owen)

I am struggling to write today.  I’m struggling because I don’t want to go three days without it.  So I’m struggling to make something come together.  To force it.  It never works that way.  At least, it doesn’t work well that way.  Last week, everything just seemed to flow.  Photography, writing, music, conversations.

But the truth is, for me,  that that was just an oasis.  Because the truth is I’m in the wilderness.  We all go there in our lives.  We do if we’re living authentically.  We do if we’re looking to live the true, rich, full lives that we are meant to live.  We do if we are to become who God meant us to be.  If we’re doing all that, we go to the wilderness from time to time.

While we’re there in the wilderness, in the desert, things seem dry, arid, time seems to creep by.  We see the ashes of the old parts of us and parts of our lives spread around.  The jobs that are gone.  The relationships that ended.  The dreams we had to let go because they were no longer our dreams.

We haven’t found the new yet.  The new dreams aren’t clear.

We wander.

But as J.R.R. Tolkien wrote:

All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renenwed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king.

There is much to be found in the wilderness.  And there is much to be done there.  This is where we question.  And get answers.  We seek, and we find.  This is where we rest.  And this is where we learn more than ever…..to rely on God.  This is where faith is forged and strengthened.

But there is a surprising thing too.  This is the place where we find we are not alone.  Whether we shout out or whimper and ask, “Is anyone there?”  We find that there are others.

Look around.  It’s not just like that old poem about the beach and the one set of ‘footprints.’  Look around.  You’ll find other footprints as well.  From those who have been here before, and from others who are there right now.

They are seeking.  They are in their wilderness.  And we find that while time in the wilderness brings solitude, this is also the place where we find our soul mates.  We find friendships that are deeper than those shallowly rooted in ‘good times.’

We find others like us who are seeking, who are waiting.  We find others like us who have faith that light comes from the shadows and fire wakes from the ashes.  We find others who remind us that God has a plan and will guide us and protect us and — when it is time and when we are ready — will lead us into the promised land of the next phase of our lives.

Are you in a ‘in-between’ stage in your life?  Walking in the wilderness?  Who is there with you?  What unexpected gifts and bonuses are you finding there?

Love,

deb

(Photo credit: globevisions)

A 2-minute video from Christine Caine talking about her book, “Can I Have & Do It All, Please?“

And really, that’s what we’re talking about, right?  Where our identity comes from.  Do you know who you are? Do you know that you are not what you look like or what you have?  You are not your title.  You are not your job.  You are not even the roles you play.  You may be a mom or a wife or a daughter or a sister — but those are roles and still are not ‘who you are’?  So where do you find your identity and how do you define yourself?

Here is  a bit of Christine’s take on identity and having it all.

Love,

deb

Way back in the 80s, Van Halen became known for being rock-star divas partially due to a clause in their contracts demanding M&Ms in their dressing room.  The thing that made it even more of a diva move?  They also demanded that all brown M&Ms be removed from the stash.  This clause was buried in the contract and known as ‘Article 126.’ The penalty for missing this clause was no show and no refund for the show.  Total divas, right?

Well, not quite.  You see, Van Halen put on very high-tech shows that were not only complex but put the band fairly close to areas that could, well, cause quite a bit of pain if things went wrong.  (Not to mention what could happen to the venue, etc.)   They would do dozens of shows a year.  Their set-up was so complex and so large that it would arrive in nine 18-wheelers.  Their contracts rivaled a phone book in length and contained instructions like “There will be 15 amperage voltage sockets at 20-foot spaces, evenly, providing 19 amperes.”

Buried in the middle of the contract was Article 126 — about the M&Ms.

As the band arrived in each location, the first thing they would do would be to go to the dressing room — and check for any brown M&Ms.  If the M&Ms were missing (or any brown ones appeared), they would demand a complete and thorough check of the entire production.

See, if the M&Ms weren’t right, then that meant that the people hadn’t read through the entire contract and hadn’t paid attention to detail.  They could pretty much be guaranteed to find technical errors that would threaten the whole production.

In essence, they were saying, “Look, if I can’t trust you with the M&Ms then I certainly can’t trust you with the pyrotechnics about to go off two-inches from my rock-band-hair”

Van Halen & God?  Really?

Yep.  Because here’s the thing.  We ask and ask for more and more.  And we want it big.  We want a promotion.  We want a family.  We want a bigger house, more money, more friends.  We want more faith.  Whatever it is we want.  We want more of it.

And yet, we don’t do what we’re meant to do with the little we’ve already got.

Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ – Matt. 25:21

What Are You Doing With What’s Right In Front Of You?

We have big dreams, big goals, big aspirations.  And yet, we seem to think we can jump to the end from the beginning without going through the middle.  We have to do something with the opportunities right in front of us.  We have to do something with what we have in our hands.  We may only be able to do a little with the little we’ve got.  But that’s okay.  That’s where it starts.  Start there.  Begin there.  ‘More’ will come in time.

But in the meantime, don’t forget to pay attention to the M&Ms.

What are you doing with what you’ve got?  What are you doing with the opportunities that are right in front of you?

Love,

deb

P.S.  If you liked this, share it on Facebook, Twitter, and sign up for the RSS feed in the top right corner.  ;-)

(Today’s guest post comes from my dear friend Desiree Adaway.  I honestly don’t know where to begin to tell you about Desiree.  She’s an inspiring woman, passionate about social injustice.  But she doesn’t just educate people about it, she puts her money where her mouth is.  She worked for Habitat for Humanity for years, and writes about Global Service & Leadership at her blog at www.desireeadaway.com.  As you read this post, consider clicking on the A21 campaign or the Not For Sale campaign under the ‘Get Involved’ section on the right.  There you will find ways that individuals and churches are actively partnering with others to rise and rescue those trapped in trafficking.  Love, deb)

The reality, sadly, comes not just closer to home but right into my home….Slavery globally touches not only my heart, but quite probably my table, my car, my clothing.”

Julia Ormond, UN goodwill ambassador on human trafficking

Victim Story #1

Ibrahim from Mali was 11,  and dreamed of buying a bicycle. A  man he had known for some time told him that he could work on a cocoa farm and make enough money for a bicycle, radio, clothes and more, Ibrahim didn’t suspect the man to be a trafficker. The man took Ibrahim to Cote d’Ivoire and sold him to a cocoa farmer. Ibrahim and other trafficked boys worked long hours doing back-breaking and dangerous work farming cocoa and bananas. The farmer gave them little to eat, beat them severely, and forbade them from leaving the farm. Ibrahim suffered in forced labor for two years before he escaped and returned to Mali. He now works in a market garden but still doesn’t earn enough to buy a bicycle.

I just spent the past three days reading every word of the 2009 Trafficking in Persons Report. It was horrifying and painful and honestly should be required reading on every college campus across this country. I forced myself to read every word of all 324 pages. It discusses everything from the role of parents in the trafficking of children to buying or negotiating a victim’s freedom. This is not light reading, but it is important reading. The victim stories highlighted in this post were  examples of real cases  found in the report. SO let me share with you what I learned:

An estimated 27 million people are enslaved. TODAY. There are more than 27 million slaves in the world today. That is more than at the height of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade.

This is not just over there…you know across the ocean, we have enslaved people living in this country right now. There are thousands who are trapped in various forms of enslavement, here in our country oftentimes young women who are caught up in prostitution.  Human trafficking is a multi-dimensional issue. It is a crime that deprives people of their human rights and freedoms, increases global health risks, and fuels growing networks of organized crime. The impacts of human trafficking are devastating. Victims suffer physical and emotional abuse, rape, and even death. But the devastation  extends beyond individual victims; human trafficking undermines the health, safety, and security of nations.

No country is immune.

The common denominator of trafficking scenarios is the use of force, fraud, or coercion to exploit a person for profit. Traffickers can subject victims to labor exploitation, sexual exploitation, or both. Trafficking for labor exploitation, the form of trafficking claiming the greatest number of victims, includes traditional chattel slavery, forced labor, and debt bondage. Trafficking for sexual exploitation typically includes abuse within the commercial sex industry. Sometimes, individuals exploit victims in private homes, often demanding both sex and work. The use of force or coercion can be direct and violent or psychological. This is happening everyday in fields, factories, homes, and brothels everywhere around the globe.

Victim Story #2

Jayati from India, and her husband were bonded laborers at a rice mill in India for more than 30 years. From 2 a.m. to 6 p.m. every day, they separated and boiled rice, often suffering burns, injuries and illnesses. The owner of the mill threatened to hurt them if they tried to leave. Their children were forced to quit school and work alongside them in the mill. Their grandchildren were born into bonded servitude. In 2005, Jayati and her family were finally freed with the help of NGOs and local authorities. “I never dreamt of a day like this in my life,” she said after being freed.

As a result of the global fincial crisis, two  trends have emerged —a shrinking global demand for labor and a growing supply of workers desperate  for economic opportunities—seems a recipe for disaster and increased forced labor cases.

Victim Story #3

Shyima Hall, now 19, was kept in a  windowless garage  for two years. Shyima was 10 when a wealthy Egyptian couple brought her from a poor village in northern Egypt to work in their California home. She awoke before dawn and often worked past midnight to iron their clothes, mop the marble floors, and dust the family’s crystal. She earned $45 a month, sometimes working up to 20 hours a day. The trafficking of children for domestic labor in the United States is an extension of an illegal but common practice among the upper classes in some societies.

Honestly I can not talk about the stories I read of people enslaved so that they can give up their organs for the black market or child soldiers kidnapped from schools and forced to fight  in local  armed conflicts. I absolutely can not.

So let me tell you what you can do to help. Talk about it. Share this post and other web sites  that help educate  and activate others around this issue. Learn more and share that information with friends and family, church congregations and coworkers.  Become a voice and advocate for the 27 million people enslaved today.

Become a force against trafficking. Go here  and inform others about slavery in their backyard

If we all work together to become modern day abolitionist than trafficking networks can be dismantled and victims can recover their lives and thrive.

“It’s not about you.”

Yep.  That’s the one.  Have you read the Purpose Driven Life?  If you have, you know that’s the first sentence of that book.

So, since it’s not about you, let’s talk a little about me.  (insert bad-joke-rimshot here)

First, let me set the scene by telling you that for years, my mom said over and over and over again, “Well, we know Deb will never read the Purpose Driven LIfe.  She’ll never read a book that starts with the sentence, ‘It’s not about you.’”

And here’s the thing.  She was right.  Except that I actually did try to read it.  I’d heard about it.  So I got the book.  And I read that first part and went, “Okay.”

It just didn’t register.  So eventually, after making it all the way to day 2 or maybe 3….I gave it to someone or donated it somewhere or something.  And went on about my life.

Then it happened.  Again.  I went through a time where I was used, lied to, betrayed, abandoned.  Again.  This time, by someone who knew about the times before and knew that I might not withstand going through that yet again and worked hard to convince me that I could place my trust there.  So this time, it cut deeper than before.  And this time, came close to being too much for me to handle.  All the ways I’d used to cope before or get through before weren’t working anymore.  I was falling apart.

One of the things that I’d used to cope before was to put up walls and defenses designed to keep people out.  I focused more and more focused on ‘me’ not because my heart was two sizes too small, but because I’d been so hurt so often that I was trying to protect myself.  And….I’d determined that something must be seriously wrong with me, that I was inherently and possibly permanently damaged  –  and that I better figure it out and fix it before it was too late.  Navel-gazing ensued.

Then the other thing happened.  It was on that day that I lost the weight and ‘got it’ and understood in a way that I’d never understood before.  It was on the day my heart broke — open.

Suddenly, I started thinking about others.  My prayers started being about other people more than me. (Hmmm.  Interesting, huh?)   My prayers started becoming more about praise and gratitude.  My prayers started being about asking about His will, and not mine.  ;-)

And suddenly, I began to eagerly seek ways to be of use and of service to God and to others. And throughout all that, I found peace — even in the midst of a current storm.

Now.  I know.  It’s ironic, huh?  Because it’s not about me and this whole post was all about me.  ;-)

Except it’s not.

Because I didn’t do it.  I wasn’t seeking to become less selfish.  I wasn’t looking for that particular light to go off in my head.  That wasn’t what I was looking for at all.  And once I saw it, I didn’t change it.  I didn’t change it by my own willpower or by trying harder or figuring it out and fixing it myself.  I didn’t change it through a program or even monitoring and changing my own thoughts.

I didn’t bring myself joy or peace or hope or even love.

God did all that.

And He can (and will) do the same for you.

So, since it’s not about me…..what about you?  What has God helped you overcome that you couldn’t overcome on your own?  What has He changed that you didn’t even know needed changing?

Love,

deb

Do you know who your friends are?  No, really.  Take a moment and consider your friends.  Who do you hang out with most?  Who do you feel the most comfortable around?  Who do you call and where do you go when you really want to ‘have a good time’?

When I left the church, I started hanging out with people and in places where there was a lot of partying going on.  The people, for the most part, pretty much had the attitude to ‘live and let live.’  Anything goes!  What I thought I’d found was acceptance, and it was quite a relief!  I didn’t have to feel like I was “falling short of the glory of….the church.”  You know, the rules, the judgment, etc.

I could breath! I could be myself!

What I didn’t realize at the time was that it wasn’t acceptance so much as….they really didn’t care.  People were too busy doing their own thing and as long as you didn’t step on their toes, you were fine.

Sometimes, if we’re not secure with who we are and who we are in God, we can find ourselves seeking approval from others in ways that aren’t healthy.    And we hang out with people who will let what we used to find unacceptable suddenly become acceptable, which leads down a path in the wrong direction.

Why do we want to take a look around from time to time and pay attention who we’re hanging out with and where?  Because II Corinthians 15:33 tells us:

“Bad company corrupts good morals”

I can think of example after example, in my own life and in others.  Like attracts like, you know.  When I used to smoke, I liked hanging out with smokers.  (Yep.  I know.  Ewww.)  I didn’t like to hang out with people who worked out.  Why?  Because smokers made my smoking acceptable.  They encouraged it, in a way.   People who worked out?  They weren’t so into the idea and it made me uncomfortable.  (To put in mildly.)  Like attracts like.

I have known a few men who will try to convince you that not only is pornography acceptable, but engaging in a lot of it is “normal” because “all men do it.”  (Their friends probably do.)

I have known women who will tell you that all men are controlling jerks and it’s impossible to have a truly good, fulfilling relationship in todays’ world.  Most likely, their friends are probably the same.  Most likely, they are not hanging out with people in healthy, strong relationships.

“He who walks with wise men will be wise.  But the companion of fools will suffer harm.” – Prov. 13:20

We are to be a light to the world.  And to do that, we have to be in the world….but not of it. But take a moment to consider who you spend most of your time with, who you consider to be your closest friends, and where you spend your time.  Our relationships matter, and can also be a mirror as to how we’re truly living our lives.

God has plans and a future for you.  And He will put people in your path and in your life to help you along the way.  But it’s up to you to choose to be around those people — and to be of service and of use to them as well.

If you take a look around and find that you’re surrounded with great friends who bring out the best in you and encourage you to learn and grow and move forward with strength and dignity?  Take a moment and thank God for those people.  And then send them a quick message to say ‘thank you’ too.

As a daughter of the King, are you wise with where you spend your time and who with?  Are there adjustments that might need to be made?  Is there anyone to thank for helping you grow and learn and move forward in your life?  Are you walking with the wise?

Love,

deb

P.S.  It’s World Water Day.  (And yes.  I’m so feeling like I should have written about that today instead, but…. )  Check out Generosity Water and Unshaken (Charity: Water) to see how you can help.  Faith, without works….well you know.  ;-)

I look at this video from many angles.  As a photographer, I am simply amazed at the beautiful images.  I am stunned that we’ve come so far as to develop technology that can give us up close and personal, slow-motion views of how life really works around us.

But most of all, I am amazed.  My breath is taken away.  And I think, “Look!  Look at what He did!”  I mean, really.  When you see the fly ‘birth’ it’s eyes with it’s ‘hands’.  (In other videos and upcoming episodes.) When you see the absolute beauty and brilliance in every function, in every species, in minute detail.  When  you see the interconnected nature of our planet and all that exists in it…..

I just wonder how anyone can watch and not see “how great is our God”

And if He put that much into each and every little detail….can you imagine how much you mean?  He gave his only begotten Son, to be sure.  But just look……at all He created around us as well.  He truly is an awesome (and creative!)  God.

“God does not play dice with the universe” — Einstein

The series is 11 weeks and starts tonight on Discovery.  I will be watching, with wonder and amazement and….well….praise.

How about you?

Love,

deb

One of my personal favorites.  ”Hope which was lost, now stands renewed”…..I have so been there.  ;-)  Happy Friday!  Love, deb