Smiling At the Future

“In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.” – Anton Ego in Ratatouille

How easy it is to criticize and complain.  It’s easy to tear down, to put others down, and supposedly build ourselves up in the process, isn’t it?

I am most often surprised at the seething criticism and spite that comes from people within the same artistic disciplines or within the same faith.  For example, many photographers seem to thrive on tearing other photographers apart. They have certain ‘standards’, questions they ask to bait you, such as “Well, did you ever shoot with film?”  They ask this as though photographers of the digital age using digital cameras and digital darkrooms are less of an artist, as though it requires less of a vision, or less of an ‘eye’, or less knowledge.

They’ll pounce on others and tear them down and tear them apart, decrying any level of success that they have.

It’s so much easier that way.  It’s easier than, say, stepping in and coaching and helping that person (if they desire that).  Or wishing them well.  Or even, in a more positive vein, building up something ‘better’.  It’s easier to sit back, not expend any energy, not get invested, and just criticize.

It’s Everywhere

We’re capable of doing that in any area, aren’t we?  We tear down movies, art, other people’s work, other people’s accomplishments.  We tear down the church, the pastor, the worship leader.  We sit and complain and criticize rather than doing something.

Nevermind that we don’t even give credit for someone having the nerve, the guts, the sheer courage to put themselves and their work out there.  We don’t give them credit for the time, effort, sweat, the hard work that they put in.  We don’t give them credit for being ‘where they are’ and that they’ll grow and develop and become better over time.

Nevermind all that.  Getting to that point alone takes work.  But what about going even deeper?

Other Options

To be truly honest?  I struggle with this at times.  I do.  I’m as guilty as the next person at times. For me, it is especially difficult when I come across things that I am absolutely, 100% diametrically opposed to.  I struggle very often with the movements (oh yes, there’s a movement) out there in ‘the Christian world’ that wants to define for us what a ‘true woman’ is.  And of course, she bakes. Her sole purpose in life is to procreate.  She cannot fulfill God’s purpose for her without doing so. There’s a certain type of woman we’re meant to be and the rest of us are not ‘true women’.  And so on.  You know the drill.

Ya think that might get to me?  Yeah.  It does.  And what I’ve wanted to do is rant and rave and scream and yell.  What I’ve wanted to do is get my back up and tell ‘them’ what they can and cannot tell me — and who God says I am, and that He outranks them, thank you very much.  ;-) I’ve wanted to point out the traits that they criticize in other women are the very traits they’re exhibiting.

And then it hit me.  That’s the easy answer, isn’t it?  It’s easy to shake your fist at the wind.  It’s easy to get wrapped up in emotion and start standing on chairs and yelling and screaming.  It’s easy to join a populist-styled ‘movement’.

It’s harder to do as we’re told in James 4:

“Do not speak against one another, brethren.  he who speaks against a brother, or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law;  but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it.  There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and destroy, but who are you to judge your neighbor?”  - James 4:11-12

Does that mean we just let it go and don’t do anything?  No.  But it changes your perspective as to what you do and how you do them.  It’s harder, for example, to leave them to the work they’ve chosen to do — and to step back and decide instead — to build something.  To ‘be the change‘.  It’s harder to disengage and instead find and build a community that uplifts and builds us up to be who God meant for us to be.  That celebrates who we are.  That brings people together in a positive way that helps others and contributes.  It’s harder to welcome a variety of voices that builds a beautiful, vibrant chorus when singing all together.

What have you been criticizing and complaining about lately? What really gets you going?  Is there something there that you can do instead?  Ways you can contribute?  Ways you can build something positive out of it and rather than criticize, create?

Love,

deb

I’ve had a few comments/emails about the post I asked Desiree if I could use here on human trafficking.  The comments go something along the lines of “if we’re supposed to smile at the future, isn’t that sort of depressing”?

Well yes.  It is.  Human trafficking is depressing.  Poverty is depressing.  The fact that nearly one billion people around the world don’t have access to clean water is depressing.

But here’s the thing.

It’s only depressing if we resign ourselves to the belief that there is nothing we can do about it.  Some, when faced with problems such as these become despondent, think ‘there’s nothing we can do’ and give up.  And yes.  That is depressing.

But others become inspired.  Others become motivated.  Others look for opportunities and other people to work together to put even a small dent in the problem.  Those people, rather than give up, become inspired….and determined…and have hope.

Besides, we have a future we can smile at.  And once you find that out for yourself, once you truly smile at your own future…..there’s a next step.

I believe that once we know that we have a future we can smile at, it is our responsibility to show others that they have one as well.  I also know (and come on, you know this too, this isn’t new)….I also know that there is plenty of instructions throughout the Bible, not to mention Christ’s example as we’re to become Christ-like, about helping the poor, the sick, the needy, the widows and orphans, etc etc and so on.

Right?

Find Your Niche

For me, I’ve always been a ‘global issues’ kind of girl.  I have friends who do most of their work on their block and down the street.  That’s okay.  We are each given different types of strengths, talents, and gifts that we’re meant to put to use.  And we’re also each given different ‘desires of the heart’, different things speak to each of us.  That’s because there’s enough to be done out there in the world that no one person can do it , so we need people to work in different areas and on different issues.

And faith?  Faith requires action.  Faith requires works.

What use is it, my brethren, if a man says he has faith, but he has no works?  Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food and one of you says to them “Go in peace be warmed and filled” and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that?”  Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself – James 2 14-17

I believe we have a responsibility to those who can’t help themselves, to those who don’t have a voice. I believe we have a responsibility to future generations.   I believe we have a responsibility to those who don’t smile at the future to help them be able to do that.

Besides, one of the best ways to find a future you can smile at is to get your mind off yourself and to serve others.  So it works all the way around.

I may talk from time to time here about specific issues.   The intention behind that is not just to bring awareness and hopefully, as this grows, begin to be able to do more and more work in those areas.

The intention behind it is to encourage you to find where you can use your talents to help others in whatever way you can.  If the most you can do today truly is to pray — then do that.  Do something.  It will help you — and it will help give them a future they can smile at as well.

Since we’re talking about this today, I saw this brief, one-minute video from Not For Sale on Twitter yesterday.  It just gave me a little hope and a little smile to see people in Cape Town, SA praying for those trapped in slavery today.  And yes, it’s people praying.  But that’s powerful.  It’s powerful indeed.

What can you do?  Where can you help?  How can you share the way to a bright future with others today?

Love,

deb

A while back, over at the old blog, I wrote a post called “Well-Behaved Can Make History.”  (The full piece is still up on my ‘expert contributor’s page’ at www.workherway.com  here.)

In it, I largely spoke about women’s roles in culture and in the workplace, and how they’d evolved from the Mad-Men-like stay-at-home moms and steno-pool girls to clawing our way to the top while behaving more and more like men in the process.  We clawed our way into the boardrooms, but when we got there we got so used to having the claws out that we forgot to put them back in.

And so I ended the piece with this:

Bright Future Ahead

….

But I see us continuing to head this direction. To continue forging our own paths – together. And I think that’s the best way to go from here.

We can be well-behaved if we want to.  After all, our deepest power doesn’t come when we’re breaking down doors.  It comes when we speak our truth with dignity and grace, having finally given ourselves permission to own who we are and to own our truth.

I have to admit it.  One thing that kept me out of and away from church for quite some time was that I didn’t see women like me there a whole lot.  I found it difficult to be a strong, confident, smart woman amongst a seeming sea of voices telling me I must be weak.  The message that I heard a great deal was ‘be quiet, needy, codependent….don’t think, don’t speak, just bake, and sew and be as amenable and cute and as sweet as possible….be the weaker vessel.”

The message I got was that I couldn’t be ‘me’, the way God made me, with the gifts and talents that He bestowed me with.  I had to be what other people wanted me to be and fit in.  And that didn’t work for me.

And to be honest?  I hated Proverbs 31.  No.  Seriously.  Hated it.  Mostly because you have no idea how often that passage was thrown in my face as evidence of me not being a ‘good enough woman’.  But then I took another look.  And man!  That woman is busy!  She gets a lot of stuff done!  And she does stuff all on her own, like ‘she considers a field and buys it.’

And it turns out that many of those who told me that being cute and quiet and people-pleasing really did get it wrong.  Verse 30 tells us “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain”

As I looked again, I saw things in Proverbs 31 like:

She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong….

Strength and dignity are her clothing and she smiles at the future

She opens her mouth with wisdom……

I have many female friends who struggle with these things within the church as well.  And many of us left, or are leaving.  And yet, they also all struggle with what that means — the loss of a sisterhood, and the effect that has on their faith.  It’s tough.

Fight The Good Fight

At the same time, I had to admit that I become disappointed when I see good people give up the good fight.  A political example:  Evan Bayh.  I’ve liked Evan Bayh for years and anticipated (and hoped for) a future Presidential bid from him.  Then suddenly, he announced he would not run for another term and would  longer be serving in the Senate.  Why?  Because, he said, Congress is becoming increasingly dysfunctional, partisan, and not doing ‘the work of the people’.

My reaction?  Disappointment.  Disappointment rooted mostly in wondering what will be left if the good guys ‘give up and go home’.  Disappointment that he wouldn’t stay and ‘fight the good fight’ and stand up for ‘doing the work of the people.’

Be The Change You Want to See In the World

That is honestly one of my favorite quotes — ever.

And as I began to think through these things, it occurred to me:

What about the next generation?  The girls who are coming behind us on those paths we’ve forged now?  What about the other women who are also searching?  Why not stay?  Why not stay and be the example?  Why not stay and begin to talk about these things, with dignity and with grace?  Why not find and form a strong sisterhood that serves to stay and ‘be the change.’

What do you think?  Is it possible to ‘stay’ and to be the change?  In what ways can we do this?  How would that work in your world?

Love,

deb

(Today’s guest post comes from my dear friend Desiree Adaway.  I honestly don’t know where to begin to tell you about Desiree.  She’s an inspiring woman, passionate about social injustice.  But she doesn’t just educate people about it, she puts her money where her mouth is.  She worked for Habitat for Humanity for years, and writes about Global Service & Leadership at her blog at www.desireeadaway.com.  As you read this post, consider clicking on the A21 campaign or the Not For Sale campaign under the ‘Get Involved’ section on the right.  There you will find ways that individuals and churches are actively partnering with others to rise and rescue those trapped in trafficking.  Love, deb)

The reality, sadly, comes not just closer to home but right into my home….Slavery globally touches not only my heart, but quite probably my table, my car, my clothing.”

Julia Ormond, UN goodwill ambassador on human trafficking

Victim Story #1

Ibrahim from Mali was 11,  and dreamed of buying a bicycle. A  man he had known for some time told him that he could work on a cocoa farm and make enough money for a bicycle, radio, clothes and more, Ibrahim didn’t suspect the man to be a trafficker. The man took Ibrahim to Cote d’Ivoire and sold him to a cocoa farmer. Ibrahim and other trafficked boys worked long hours doing back-breaking and dangerous work farming cocoa and bananas. The farmer gave them little to eat, beat them severely, and forbade them from leaving the farm. Ibrahim suffered in forced labor for two years before he escaped and returned to Mali. He now works in a market garden but still doesn’t earn enough to buy a bicycle.

I just spent the past three days reading every word of the 2009 Trafficking in Persons Report. It was horrifying and painful and honestly should be required reading on every college campus across this country. I forced myself to read every word of all 324 pages. It discusses everything from the role of parents in the trafficking of children to buying or negotiating a victim’s freedom. This is not light reading, but it is important reading. The victim stories highlighted in this post were  examples of real cases  found in the report. SO let me share with you what I learned:

An estimated 27 million people are enslaved. TODAY. There are more than 27 million slaves in the world today. That is more than at the height of the Trans-Atlantic slave trade.

This is not just over there…you know across the ocean, we have enslaved people living in this country right now. There are thousands who are trapped in various forms of enslavement, here in our country oftentimes young women who are caught up in prostitution.  Human trafficking is a multi-dimensional issue. It is a crime that deprives people of their human rights and freedoms, increases global health risks, and fuels growing networks of organized crime. The impacts of human trafficking are devastating. Victims suffer physical and emotional abuse, rape, and even death. But the devastation  extends beyond individual victims; human trafficking undermines the health, safety, and security of nations.

No country is immune.

The common denominator of trafficking scenarios is the use of force, fraud, or coercion to exploit a person for profit. Traffickers can subject victims to labor exploitation, sexual exploitation, or both. Trafficking for labor exploitation, the form of trafficking claiming the greatest number of victims, includes traditional chattel slavery, forced labor, and debt bondage. Trafficking for sexual exploitation typically includes abuse within the commercial sex industry. Sometimes, individuals exploit victims in private homes, often demanding both sex and work. The use of force or coercion can be direct and violent or psychological. This is happening everyday in fields, factories, homes, and brothels everywhere around the globe.

Victim Story #2

Jayati from India, and her husband were bonded laborers at a rice mill in India for more than 30 years. From 2 a.m. to 6 p.m. every day, they separated and boiled rice, often suffering burns, injuries and illnesses. The owner of the mill threatened to hurt them if they tried to leave. Their children were forced to quit school and work alongside them in the mill. Their grandchildren were born into bonded servitude. In 2005, Jayati and her family were finally freed with the help of NGOs and local authorities. “I never dreamt of a day like this in my life,” she said after being freed.

As a result of the global fincial crisis, two  trends have emerged —a shrinking global demand for labor and a growing supply of workers desperate  for economic opportunities—seems a recipe for disaster and increased forced labor cases.

Victim Story #3

Shyima Hall, now 19, was kept in a  windowless garage  for two years. Shyima was 10 when a wealthy Egyptian couple brought her from a poor village in northern Egypt to work in their California home. She awoke before dawn and often worked past midnight to iron their clothes, mop the marble floors, and dust the family’s crystal. She earned $45 a month, sometimes working up to 20 hours a day. The trafficking of children for domestic labor in the United States is an extension of an illegal but common practice among the upper classes in some societies.

Honestly I can not talk about the stories I read of people enslaved so that they can give up their organs for the black market or child soldiers kidnapped from schools and forced to fight  in local  armed conflicts. I absolutely can not.

So let me tell you what you can do to help. Talk about it. Share this post and other web sites  that help educate  and activate others around this issue. Learn more and share that information with friends and family, church congregations and coworkers.  Become a voice and advocate for the 27 million people enslaved today.

Become a force against trafficking. Go here  and inform others about slavery in their backyard

If we all work together to become modern day abolitionist than trafficking networks can be dismantled and victims can recover their lives and thrive.

Starting this blog was a truly difficult thing for me.   It might seem like the easiest thing to do in the world, but it wasn’t.  I worried, mostly, about what all of you would think.

I worried most about those who run away at the mere mention of God.  As though, my renewed faith and openness would mean that I would no longer watch Lost or listen to U2.  As though I would suddenly give up photography or writing.  Or, you know, run off and join the ‘tea party’ or something.  (Trust me, that ain’t happenin’  ;-))

Essentially, I was worried about the judgment I might receive, not from the ‘right’ or the Christian community.  But from “the left”, from the “liberals”, from the ‘spiritual community.’  The truth is that worrying about being judged by “that side” has kept me from ever mentioning the name “God” for quite some time now.  I would use the term “the universe” or something else less polarizing.

I’ve looked at life from both sides now.

(Sing along with Joni Mitchell!)

I was raised in a church that I like to describe as “just go to Southern Baptist and take a right.”  To say it was conservative is an understatement.  For various reasons, I went running as far to the ‘left’ as I possibly could as soon as I possibly could.  I was tired of the judgment and the condemnation and the fear that “if you don’t act like us and say the things we say and agree with us, and become who we want you to be, we will kick you right out!”

Guess what I found on the left?  Judgment.  Of the ‘right’.  Anger.  At the ‘right’.  Condemnation.  Of the ‘right’.  And while it sounded a whole lot nicer, using gentle language that sounded so much more ‘enlightened’, the message was still there too.  ”If you are not as enlightened as we, and aren’t who we want you to be, and agree with us at all times, we will kick you right out.”

The moral of the story?

We’re all human.  We all make judgments all the time.  Whether it’s based on what someone is wearing, what they look like, what they say, what kind of music they like, we all make judgments.  All the time.  We all get angry.  We’re all scared at times.  We all worry at times.  We all have weaknesses. And we all make mistakes.  And then there’s this.

As women of faith, how are we representing God?  What is it that we’re doing, what are we exhibiting, that makes people run away at the very mention of His name?  Think about it.  There’s a reason that people have the view of Christians that they do.  And yes.  We are to stand firm.  And yes.  We know that we may have persecutions and insults thrown our way from time to time.  I’m not suggesting we give up our beliefs in order to be more palatable to the world.

But are we demonstrating judgment, harshness, and condemnation out in the world?  Are we shoving our message down people’s throats, even if we have good intentions?

If we are, do we really expect that to reach anyone?  Do we expect anyone to view that as us “having something they want”?  Something that is desirable that they can’t find anywhere but in God?

Or are we coming from a place of love?  Are we wanting to share our message out of compassion and a desire to share the hope we’ve found and the grace we live in?  Which do we think is really more effective?

Paul tells us in I Corinthians 9: 19-23 that he became a slave to the slaves, even though he was free.  And that he became as one under the law to those under the law, despite not being under the law.  He says in verse 22:

“To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak;  I have become all things to all men, that I may by all means save some.”

If we think of ourselves as strong women, with dignity and grace, as defined in Proverbs 31, if we think of ourselves as daughters of the King, how might that change our behavior and how we approach others?  How might that impact our influence and effectiveness?

Love,

deb

I love this talk from Christine Caine on being in the world and not of it.  Are you in and and not of it?  Do you use the church to not be in it at all?   Would love to hear your thoughts on this video in the comments.  Love, deb

I’ve had this problem since I was a little girl.  The problem?  I looked around at most women that I saw in the church and I didn’t see myself reflected there.  See, there are some things about me that some of you may not know.  (To others, this will not come as a shock.)

I don’t love to cook.  I don’t bake.  I’ve done those tests on spiritual gifts and hospitality isn’t high among them.

And…I totally missed the mommy gene.  In fact, I’m not one of those women who coo’s randomly over any baby I see.  (I’m the ‘cool aunt’ to my friends kids.  Those kids, I dig.  But just random kids?  Yeah.  Not so much.  Sorry.)  I’m not demure and shy, by any stretch of the imagination.

So I’ve spent much of my life thinking that I could never serve, I could never be of use, I could never fit in unless I changed to become like ‘those’ women.  I’d have to have a complete change in personality and in who I am .  I’d have to suddenly love, love, love wedding and baby showers.  So I tried.  But it didn’t happen.

And then it clicked.

God didn’t make me that way.  He didn’t make me that way for a reason.  But He gave me other things.  For example, I’m a person who likes to take action, even small ones, when it comes to social injustices in the world.  I’m one of those people who wants to run off to Haiti or Chile when the earthquakes hits.  I’m one of those people who wants to raise the issue of human trafficking and help do something to change it.  I’m one of those people who volunteers for political campaigns.

And there are other things.  I’m creative.  I’m a photographer, a writer, a musician.  I’m also fairly good at encouraging others when I’m not too busy focusing on my own stuff.  ;-)

That’s how I was made and who I am.  The amazing, freeing revelation was realizing that I didn’t have to not be those things, just use them in service.  Those are my gifts.  They’re my talents.  I wasn’t made to be you. There’s already a ‘you’ and there will never be another one.

What a relief!

We, as women, were never called or told to be needy, weak, and codependent.  To serve?  Do we have a ‘place’?  Yeah.  (And we’ll get to that later.)  But Proverbs 31 says a worthy woman wears ‘strength’ as her clothing.  God gives us different gifts and makes us different so we can fulfill our purposes for Him and for others.

So what parts of you have you been struggling to accept or change because it doesn’t fit with your view of who you think you should be?  What gifts have you been given that you could begin to use in service rather than trying to fit in and be like others?  What parts of you could you start celebrating and being grateful you’ve been given?

Love,

deb