Smiling At the Future

“In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.” – Anton Ego in Ratatouille

How easy it is to criticize and complain.  It’s easy to tear down, to put others down, and supposedly build ourselves up in the process, isn’t it?

I am most often surprised at the seething criticism and spite that comes from people within the same artistic disciplines or within the same faith.  For example, many photographers seem to thrive on tearing other photographers apart. They have certain ‘standards’, questions they ask to bait you, such as “Well, did you ever shoot with film?”  They ask this as though photographers of the digital age using digital cameras and digital darkrooms are less of an artist, as though it requires less of a vision, or less of an ‘eye’, or less knowledge.

They’ll pounce on others and tear them down and tear them apart, decrying any level of success that they have.

It’s so much easier that way.  It’s easier than, say, stepping in and coaching and helping that person (if they desire that).  Or wishing them well.  Or even, in a more positive vein, building up something ‘better’.  It’s easier to sit back, not expend any energy, not get invested, and just criticize.

It’s Everywhere

We’re capable of doing that in any area, aren’t we?  We tear down movies, art, other people’s work, other people’s accomplishments.  We tear down the church, the pastor, the worship leader.  We sit and complain and criticize rather than doing something.

Nevermind that we don’t even give credit for someone having the nerve, the guts, the sheer courage to put themselves and their work out there.  We don’t give them credit for the time, effort, sweat, the hard work that they put in.  We don’t give them credit for being ‘where they are’ and that they’ll grow and develop and become better over time.

Nevermind all that.  Getting to that point alone takes work.  But what about going even deeper?

Other Options

To be truly honest?  I struggle with this at times.  I do.  I’m as guilty as the next person at times. For me, it is especially difficult when I come across things that I am absolutely, 100% diametrically opposed to.  I struggle very often with the movements (oh yes, there’s a movement) out there in ‘the Christian world’ that wants to define for us what a ‘true woman’ is.  And of course, she bakes. Her sole purpose in life is to procreate.  She cannot fulfill God’s purpose for her without doing so. There’s a certain type of woman we’re meant to be and the rest of us are not ‘true women’.  And so on.  You know the drill.

Ya think that might get to me?  Yeah.  It does.  And what I’ve wanted to do is rant and rave and scream and yell.  What I’ve wanted to do is get my back up and tell ‘them’ what they can and cannot tell me — and who God says I am, and that He outranks them, thank you very much.  ;-) I’ve wanted to point out the traits that they criticize in other women are the very traits they’re exhibiting.

And then it hit me.  That’s the easy answer, isn’t it?  It’s easy to shake your fist at the wind.  It’s easy to get wrapped up in emotion and start standing on chairs and yelling and screaming.  It’s easy to join a populist-styled ‘movement’.

It’s harder to do as we’re told in James 4:

“Do not speak against one another, brethren.  he who speaks against a brother, or judges his brother, speaks against the law and judges the law;  but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge of it.  There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and destroy, but who are you to judge your neighbor?”  - James 4:11-12

Does that mean we just let it go and don’t do anything?  No.  But it changes your perspective as to what you do and how you do them.  It’s harder, for example, to leave them to the work they’ve chosen to do — and to step back and decide instead — to build something.  To ‘be the change‘.  It’s harder to disengage and instead find and build a community that uplifts and builds us up to be who God meant for us to be.  That celebrates who we are.  That brings people together in a positive way that helps others and contributes.  It’s harder to welcome a variety of voices that builds a beautiful, vibrant chorus when singing all together.

What have you been criticizing and complaining about lately? What really gets you going?  Is there something there that you can do instead?  Ways you can contribute?  Ways you can build something positive out of it and rather than criticize, create?

Love,

deb

As I head off to hang with a group of women I’ve not been able to hang with for a few weeks, this video came to mind.  I not only love the words, the message, the ‘his mercies are new every morning’ part (ha) — but love seeing this group of women having fun singing together.  (By the way, hang on long enough to watch the clips talking about worship. )

Love,

deb

Over at WorkHerWay.com, Carolyn posed the question ‘what do we need to be doing to raise girls for success?’ that led to a few of us bandying about the other question:  what do we wish we could tell our younger selves?

I’m pretty lucky.  I had parents who placed my value and worth in who I was, and encouraged me to be myself.   Still, if I’m completely honest, I think my parents always believed more in my talents and abilities than I did.  Actually, if I’m completely honest, it’s possible that they still do.  On the talent front alone, dad is convinced I’m a better singer than I actually am — and mom is convinced I’m a better writer than I actually am.  Well, in my mind anyway. 

And that would be my first bit of advice to my younger self:

Give Up Perfection

Give it up.  It’s not going to happen and isn’t possible anyway.  You won’t look perfect, compared to those women in the magazines – you know, the women who don’t actually look like that anyway (thanks to photographing with lighting, angles, etc – adding in airbrushing and the other wonders of Photoshop, trying to live up to an ideal that doesn’t exist to begin with can get exhausting)

You also won’t be Cartier-Bresson the moment you pick up a camera or Hemingway the moment you start to write, but that’s okay.  You aren’t meant to be like them anyway.  You’re meant to develop your own unique combination of strengths, talents, and gifts.  You’re meant to forge your own path, be true to yourself, to your calling and your journey.

And you know?

You’re ‘Better’ Than You Think You Are

I heard an interview with Carrie Fisher once where she talked about how much she hated how she looked when she was in Star Wars because she thought she was fat.   But now, she looks back at photos from that time and thinks she was prettier (and thinner) than she thought at the time.  So she realizes that 20 years from now she’ll look at pictures of herself now and think the same thing.

I’d tell that ‘younger me’ that she’s smarter than she thinks she is, more talented than she thinks she is, more capable than she thinks she is, prettier than she thinks she is.  I’d tell her that she just needs to know that, and run with it.   Again, I’d tell her that she has strengths and gifts that are uniquely hers, combined with a personality and a voice that only she can bring to the world in her own unique way.  I’d tell her ‘there’s only one you and only ever will be one ‘you’, embrace that and fulfill that as much as you possibly can.’

Of course, the thing that got in the way of that more than anything back then came down to one thing — boys.  Well, boys and the roles I thought had to be played.  Between the boys and the bosses who repeatedly told me to be small, to keep silent, to hold back my truth, to be less than I am, I wish my younger self would have known:

Be All of Who You Are & Find People Who Can Take It

Rather than playing small for others, realize that them asking you to do that says more about their feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.  Don’t play small for them, find others who play as big a game as you do.  They’re out there, you know.  You might have to do some work to find people who can let you be as strong, as powerful, as confident, as talented, as smart as you are…..but they’re out there.

Compromise, an argument many of those people will make to convince you to change for them, is necessary in relationships, but being less than you are isn’t compromise — it’s self-destruction.  It’s destroying parts of you just to make someone else comfortable and not only is that not healthy for either party — it won’t last anyway.  You won’t be able to maintain it, living small.  Find the real friends.  Hold out for the real deal.

And mostly, I’d tell my younger self, you won’t get any of that until you find God.

Goodbye Insecurity, Hello True Value & Worth

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…. Jeremiah 1:5

Find God, and in Him, find yourself.  Make Him the center of your life.  Let Him make you into who He designed you to be, and bring the opportunities and destiny He has planned for you.  (Find out for yourself who God says you are.  Don’t let man tell you who he thinks God says you are.)

Delight yourself also in the Lord,  And He shall give you the desires of your heart.  Psalms 37:4

Find the desires of your heart that He has given you, and the talents and strengths He’s given you to fulfill those desires.  Find the ways you can contribute, be of service to the world, and make a difference.  Make THAT your mission.

And then:

Forgive Yourself Because You’re Going to Mess it Up

I’d tell that younger version of me a few other things too.  Things like…..the thing you think is the end of the world right now really isn’t.  In fact, some of the biggest ‘tragedies’ of your life will eventually look like mere blips on the radar screen of your life.  And you’re going to mess some things up.  You can only know what you know.  You’ll do the best you can given what you know and the circumstances you’re in — and as Maya Angelou says, when you know better, you’ll do better.  So cut yourself some slack.  Stop worrying so much, enjoy it all more.  Contribute.  Serve.  Use your talents and abilities to make a difference.  Let God handle the rest.

What would you tell your younger self?  What advice would you give future generations?

Love,

deb

(Photo credit:  No idea really, but that’s me about age 5; ironically since I wrote about Carrie Fisher, it’s complete with Princess Leia hair!  ;-))

A while back, over at the old blog, I wrote a post called “Well-Behaved Can Make History.”  (The full piece is still up on my ‘expert contributor’s page’ at www.workherway.com  here.)

In it, I largely spoke about women’s roles in culture and in the workplace, and how they’d evolved from the Mad-Men-like stay-at-home moms and steno-pool girls to clawing our way to the top while behaving more and more like men in the process.  We clawed our way into the boardrooms, but when we got there we got so used to having the claws out that we forgot to put them back in.

And so I ended the piece with this:

Bright Future Ahead

….

But I see us continuing to head this direction. To continue forging our own paths – together. And I think that’s the best way to go from here.

We can be well-behaved if we want to.  After all, our deepest power doesn’t come when we’re breaking down doors.  It comes when we speak our truth with dignity and grace, having finally given ourselves permission to own who we are and to own our truth.

I have to admit it.  One thing that kept me out of and away from church for quite some time was that I didn’t see women like me there a whole lot.  I found it difficult to be a strong, confident, smart woman amongst a seeming sea of voices telling me I must be weak.  The message that I heard a great deal was ‘be quiet, needy, codependent….don’t think, don’t speak, just bake, and sew and be as amenable and cute and as sweet as possible….be the weaker vessel.”

The message I got was that I couldn’t be ‘me’, the way God made me, with the gifts and talents that He bestowed me with.  I had to be what other people wanted me to be and fit in.  And that didn’t work for me.

And to be honest?  I hated Proverbs 31.  No.  Seriously.  Hated it.  Mostly because you have no idea how often that passage was thrown in my face as evidence of me not being a ‘good enough woman’.  But then I took another look.  And man!  That woman is busy!  She gets a lot of stuff done!  And she does stuff all on her own, like ‘she considers a field and buys it.’

And it turns out that many of those who told me that being cute and quiet and people-pleasing really did get it wrong.  Verse 30 tells us “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain”

As I looked again, I saw things in Proverbs 31 like:

She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong….

Strength and dignity are her clothing and she smiles at the future

She opens her mouth with wisdom……

I have many female friends who struggle with these things within the church as well.  And many of us left, or are leaving.  And yet, they also all struggle with what that means — the loss of a sisterhood, and the effect that has on their faith.  It’s tough.

Fight The Good Fight

At the same time, I had to admit that I become disappointed when I see good people give up the good fight.  A political example:  Evan Bayh.  I’ve liked Evan Bayh for years and anticipated (and hoped for) a future Presidential bid from him.  Then suddenly, he announced he would not run for another term and would  longer be serving in the Senate.  Why?  Because, he said, Congress is becoming increasingly dysfunctional, partisan, and not doing ‘the work of the people’.

My reaction?  Disappointment.  Disappointment rooted mostly in wondering what will be left if the good guys ‘give up and go home’.  Disappointment that he wouldn’t stay and ‘fight the good fight’ and stand up for ‘doing the work of the people.’

Be The Change You Want to See In the World

That is honestly one of my favorite quotes — ever.

And as I began to think through these things, it occurred to me:

What about the next generation?  The girls who are coming behind us on those paths we’ve forged now?  What about the other women who are also searching?  Why not stay?  Why not stay and be the example?  Why not stay and begin to talk about these things, with dignity and with grace?  Why not find and form a strong sisterhood that serves to stay and ‘be the change.’

What do you think?  Is it possible to ‘stay’ and to be the change?  In what ways can we do this?  How would that work in your world?

Love,

deb

A 2-minute video from Christine Caine talking about her book, “Can I Have & Do It All, Please?“

And really, that’s what we’re talking about, right?  Where our identity comes from.  Do you know who you are? Do you know that you are not what you look like or what you have?  You are not your title.  You are not your job.  You are not even the roles you play.  You may be a mom or a wife or a daughter or a sister — but those are roles and still are not ‘who you are’?  So where do you find your identity and how do you define yourself?

Here is  a bit of Christine’s take on identity and having it all.

Love,

deb

“It’s not about you.”

Yep.  That’s the one.  Have you read the Purpose Driven Life?  If you have, you know that’s the first sentence of that book.

So, since it’s not about you, let’s talk a little about me.  (insert bad-joke-rimshot here)

First, let me set the scene by telling you that for years, my mom said over and over and over again, “Well, we know Deb will never read the Purpose Driven LIfe.  She’ll never read a book that starts with the sentence, ‘It’s not about you.’”

And here’s the thing.  She was right.  Except that I actually did try to read it.  I’d heard about it.  So I got the book.  And I read that first part and went, “Okay.”

It just didn’t register.  So eventually, after making it all the way to day 2 or maybe 3….I gave it to someone or donated it somewhere or something.  And went on about my life.

Then it happened.  Again.  I went through a time where I was used, lied to, betrayed, abandoned.  Again.  This time, by someone who knew about the times before and knew that I might not withstand going through that yet again and worked hard to convince me that I could place my trust there.  So this time, it cut deeper than before.  And this time, came close to being too much for me to handle.  All the ways I’d used to cope before or get through before weren’t working anymore.  I was falling apart.

One of the things that I’d used to cope before was to put up walls and defenses designed to keep people out.  I focused more and more focused on ‘me’ not because my heart was two sizes too small, but because I’d been so hurt so often that I was trying to protect myself.  And….I’d determined that something must be seriously wrong with me, that I was inherently and possibly permanently damaged  –  and that I better figure it out and fix it before it was too late.  Navel-gazing ensued.

Then the other thing happened.  It was on that day that I lost the weight and ‘got it’ and understood in a way that I’d never understood before.  It was on the day my heart broke — open.

Suddenly, I started thinking about others.  My prayers started being about other people more than me. (Hmmm.  Interesting, huh?)   My prayers started becoming more about praise and gratitude.  My prayers started being about asking about His will, and not mine.  ;-)

And suddenly, I began to eagerly seek ways to be of use and of service to God and to others. And throughout all that, I found peace — even in the midst of a current storm.

Now.  I know.  It’s ironic, huh?  Because it’s not about me and this whole post was all about me.  ;-)

Except it’s not.

Because I didn’t do it.  I wasn’t seeking to become less selfish.  I wasn’t looking for that particular light to go off in my head.  That wasn’t what I was looking for at all.  And once I saw it, I didn’t change it.  I didn’t change it by my own willpower or by trying harder or figuring it out and fixing it myself.  I didn’t change it through a program or even monitoring and changing my own thoughts.

I didn’t bring myself joy or peace or hope or even love.

God did all that.

And He can (and will) do the same for you.

So, since it’s not about me…..what about you?  What has God helped you overcome that you couldn’t overcome on your own?  What has He changed that you didn’t even know needed changing?

Love,

deb

Do you know who your friends are?  No, really.  Take a moment and consider your friends.  Who do you hang out with most?  Who do you feel the most comfortable around?  Who do you call and where do you go when you really want to ‘have a good time’?

When I left the church, I started hanging out with people and in places where there was a lot of partying going on.  The people, for the most part, pretty much had the attitude to ‘live and let live.’  Anything goes!  What I thought I’d found was acceptance, and it was quite a relief!  I didn’t have to feel like I was “falling short of the glory of….the church.”  You know, the rules, the judgment, etc.

I could breath! I could be myself!

What I didn’t realize at the time was that it wasn’t acceptance so much as….they really didn’t care.  People were too busy doing their own thing and as long as you didn’t step on their toes, you were fine.

Sometimes, if we’re not secure with who we are and who we are in God, we can find ourselves seeking approval from others in ways that aren’t healthy.    And we hang out with people who will let what we used to find unacceptable suddenly become acceptable, which leads down a path in the wrong direction.

Why do we want to take a look around from time to time and pay attention who we’re hanging out with and where?  Because II Corinthians 15:33 tells us:

“Bad company corrupts good morals”

I can think of example after example, in my own life and in others.  Like attracts like, you know.  When I used to smoke, I liked hanging out with smokers.  (Yep.  I know.  Ewww.)  I didn’t like to hang out with people who worked out.  Why?  Because smokers made my smoking acceptable.  They encouraged it, in a way.   People who worked out?  They weren’t so into the idea and it made me uncomfortable.  (To put in mildly.)  Like attracts like.

I have known a few men who will try to convince you that not only is pornography acceptable, but engaging in a lot of it is “normal” because “all men do it.”  (Their friends probably do.)

I have known women who will tell you that all men are controlling jerks and it’s impossible to have a truly good, fulfilling relationship in todays’ world.  Most likely, their friends are probably the same.  Most likely, they are not hanging out with people in healthy, strong relationships.

“He who walks with wise men will be wise.  But the companion of fools will suffer harm.” – Prov. 13:20

We are to be a light to the world.  And to do that, we have to be in the world….but not of it. But take a moment to consider who you spend most of your time with, who you consider to be your closest friends, and where you spend your time.  Our relationships matter, and can also be a mirror as to how we’re truly living our lives.

God has plans and a future for you.  And He will put people in your path and in your life to help you along the way.  But it’s up to you to choose to be around those people — and to be of service and of use to them as well.

If you take a look around and find that you’re surrounded with great friends who bring out the best in you and encourage you to learn and grow and move forward with strength and dignity?  Take a moment and thank God for those people.  And then send them a quick message to say ‘thank you’ too.

As a daughter of the King, are you wise with where you spend your time and who with?  Are there adjustments that might need to be made?  Is there anyone to thank for helping you grow and learn and move forward in your life?  Are you walking with the wise?

Love,

deb

P.S.  It’s World Water Day.  (And yes.  I’m so feeling like I should have written about that today instead, but…. )  Check out Generosity Water and Unshaken (Charity: Water) to see how you can help.  Faith, without works….well you know.  ;-)

Starting this blog was a truly difficult thing for me.   It might seem like the easiest thing to do in the world, but it wasn’t.  I worried, mostly, about what all of you would think.

I worried most about those who run away at the mere mention of God.  As though, my renewed faith and openness would mean that I would no longer watch Lost or listen to U2.  As though I would suddenly give up photography or writing.  Or, you know, run off and join the ‘tea party’ or something.  (Trust me, that ain’t happenin’  ;-))

Essentially, I was worried about the judgment I might receive, not from the ‘right’ or the Christian community.  But from “the left”, from the “liberals”, from the ‘spiritual community.’  The truth is that worrying about being judged by “that side” has kept me from ever mentioning the name “God” for quite some time now.  I would use the term “the universe” or something else less polarizing.

I’ve looked at life from both sides now.

(Sing along with Joni Mitchell!)

I was raised in a church that I like to describe as “just go to Southern Baptist and take a right.”  To say it was conservative is an understatement.  For various reasons, I went running as far to the ‘left’ as I possibly could as soon as I possibly could.  I was tired of the judgment and the condemnation and the fear that “if you don’t act like us and say the things we say and agree with us, and become who we want you to be, we will kick you right out!”

Guess what I found on the left?  Judgment.  Of the ‘right’.  Anger.  At the ‘right’.  Condemnation.  Of the ‘right’.  And while it sounded a whole lot nicer, using gentle language that sounded so much more ‘enlightened’, the message was still there too.  ”If you are not as enlightened as we, and aren’t who we want you to be, and agree with us at all times, we will kick you right out.”

The moral of the story?

We’re all human.  We all make judgments all the time.  Whether it’s based on what someone is wearing, what they look like, what they say, what kind of music they like, we all make judgments.  All the time.  We all get angry.  We’re all scared at times.  We all worry at times.  We all have weaknesses. And we all make mistakes.  And then there’s this.

As women of faith, how are we representing God?  What is it that we’re doing, what are we exhibiting, that makes people run away at the very mention of His name?  Think about it.  There’s a reason that people have the view of Christians that they do.  And yes.  We are to stand firm.  And yes.  We know that we may have persecutions and insults thrown our way from time to time.  I’m not suggesting we give up our beliefs in order to be more palatable to the world.

But are we demonstrating judgment, harshness, and condemnation out in the world?  Are we shoving our message down people’s throats, even if we have good intentions?

If we are, do we really expect that to reach anyone?  Do we expect anyone to view that as us “having something they want”?  Something that is desirable that they can’t find anywhere but in God?

Or are we coming from a place of love?  Are we wanting to share our message out of compassion and a desire to share the hope we’ve found and the grace we live in?  Which do we think is really more effective?

Paul tells us in I Corinthians 9: 19-23 that he became a slave to the slaves, even though he was free.  And that he became as one under the law to those under the law, despite not being under the law.  He says in verse 22:

“To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak;  I have become all things to all men, that I may by all means save some.”

If we think of ourselves as strong women, with dignity and grace, as defined in Proverbs 31, if we think of ourselves as daughters of the King, how might that change our behavior and how we approach others?  How might that impact our influence and effectiveness?

Love,

deb

(I try to use this space to inspire, uplift, encourage, and challenge us all to think.  Today’s guest post comes from Angela Russell, who inspires, uplifts, encourages, and challenges me on a regular basis.  She’s a gifted communicator, who, given her age and her talents, has a long, bright future ahead of her to smile at.)

It’s human nature for us to compete, we compete on the basketball court or with ourselves as we have our best record we want to break.  After an experience with a group of people that had a spirit of competition, I noticed that I wanted to react in the same manner.  I had to make the choice that I would not engage in their warfare. Since that encounter I have noticed that I have been seeking an answer of why the spirit of competition isn’t such a good thing.

What I’m finding out – is that competition begins with envy. Being envious of what someone else has, what they look like, what they sound like, and the list can go on and on and on.  What else does envy let in? Envy not only opens the door to competition, but also  enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, dissensions, divisions, just to name a few. (Take a look at Galatians 5:19-21.)

After seeing what could happen if I let in competition or envy; I had lengthy conversations with a loved one (my wonderful Father) on this matter – God had laid it on his heart that… “he has nothing to prove. He has no one to impress. He only has a story to tell.”  It is up to the other person to decide whether they will listen and believe.  I decided that I too have nothing to prove, no one to impress, and that I do have a story to tell.

Since taking on this new attitude –I am free to be me. The me that God created – the one that likes to laugh, have fun with my weird sense of humor, and who does love people.  As we change to be like someone else, we end up losing a part of ourselves – a part that God created to make us unique and different,  a piece that could draw someone else to Christ.  Galatians 5:1 – “For Freedom Christ has set us free, Stand firm therefore and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Being envious brings a yoke of slavery. I choose not be a slave any longer.  I am FREE!

When we are envious we are looking for the approval of men and not Christ. Colossians 3:23 – whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not men.

Who are you seeking approval from?

Just remember – We have nothing to prove, no one to impress – we only have a story to tell!
Follow after God’s heartbeat,
Angel

(photo credit: Deb Owen)

We struggle.  We try.  We fail.  We beat ourselves up when it doesn’t work.  We determine we’ll do better.  We try again.  We do well for a while.  We get rid of it.  We keep it off.  We put it back on.  We blame our circumstances and the temptations we couldn’t avoid.  We put more back on than we had before.  We find another program and think we’ve got it handled this time.  And so we try again, more determined than the last and the cycle starts again.

We understand that it’s connected somehow to our past.  It’s connected to our emotions.  It has to do with the way we think.  But still, we can’t seem to get rid of it for good.

What is ‘it’?  It’s the pain.  It’s the hurt of rejection.  It’s what they did to us, what they said to us.  It’s how we reacted, how we behaved, the things we’ve done and said to others.  It’s the fear.  It’s the anger.

And we’ve tried everything.  We’ve tried seminars and self-help books.  We’ve tried talking to our friends about the problem over and over again.  We’ve tried it all.  And somehow, we have some tiny bit of faith that there’s an answer out there, that there’s hope.  But we keep trying to think our way out of it.  We keep trying to change our thoughts, change our behaviors, get different results.

But Einstein said it:  We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

And the truth is that if you’ve got all that baggage weighing you down, you can’t think your way out of it on your own.  Your heart is still the same.

If you’re at all like me, while you might realize something is not quite right and you might even be using some of the right tools, until you see how much baggage is really weighing you down, it won’t truly change.  Until your heart changes, all the thinking in the world won’t set you free.

I had what some refer to as a ‘hardened heart.’  I was tough.  I was strong.  And my heart was hard.  I built up walls and defenses.  And from time to time, the anger would come lashing out, usually in the small areas or at the wrong people.

And the truth is that no one wakes up in the morning thinking, “I’m going to be a big anger ball” this morning.  Or “I’m going to be full of stress as I try to keep all the bad stuff out and wall my heart in and not be open and vulnerable ever again.”

Your thinking, your emotions, the ways you’ve dealt with whatever you’re facing?   That’s what got you ‘here’.  It takes something else.  It takes someone else — outside of you.

For me, I was in what has been one of the worst moments of my life.  I was angry.  I was terrified.  I was feeling lost and confused and hurt.  Again.  And yes, I had reason.  Again.  Yes, I have enemies. A former ‘best friend’ (but that’s often how that happens, isn’t it?)

But I was sitting in a class, at church, where I usually put my ‘best face’ on to keep ‘you’ from knowing there was a problem and keep you at a distance.  And ironically (or maybe not so ironically), the lesson that day was on ‘making your mess your message.’  And as people were sharing something they’d been through in their past that they could then use to reach out and help others, something happened.

Rather than do what I usually do, I opened up.  I told these people I barely knew that I was ‘in the middle of that type of situation right this very moment.’  I didn’t give details.  They didn’t need them.  And those people reached out in support.  Small moves, to be sure.  They didn’t try to fix the problem or solve the dilemma.  They just reached out.

And in that moment, the scales fell from my eyes.

And I literally felt my heart break.  Open.  The hard casing, the walls I’d built up, cracked.  And I felt peace.  And I ‘got it’.  I got what grace means.  And I got what forgiveness, of myself and of others, was about.  (Yes.  We are told to forgive, bless, and even love our ‘enemies’.)  I got that it was all going to be okay.

I began asking for help.  I began reaching out.  And I found it.

Do you want to lose that weight and keep it off?

We’re told exactly how in Matt. 11:28-30

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart;  and you shall find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.”

There’s more to do after that.  But that’s the beginning.  That’s where it starts.  It’s the beginning of a journey that will only grow and expand, that is full of joy and love and peace.  And that journey is a whole lot easier to make and you can go a whole lot more quickly, without all that weight.

What do you need to leave behind?  What do you need to let go of?  What weight can you get rid of for good?

Love,

deb

P.S.  A programming note:  I’ve been lining up other women to write guest posts here, those who are smart, engaged, willing and more than able to help build up our community here.  The first appears tomorrow.  So check back!  ;-)