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	<title>Smiling At the Future</title>
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		<title>The Choice: Criticize &amp; Complain? Or Contribute &amp; Create?</title>
		<link>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/13/creator-or-critic/</link>
		<comments>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/13/creator-or-critic/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 13 Apr 2010 10:27:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Deb</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Be the Change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pressing On]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Who You Are]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://future-smiling.com/?p=88</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[“In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em><a href="http://debjowen.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/images.jpeg"><img class="alignleft" title="images" src="http://debjowen.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/images.jpeg?w=87&amp;h=126" alt="" width="87" height="126" /></a>“In  many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little yet enjoy a  position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our  judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to  read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that, in the grand  scheme of things, the average piece of junk is more meaningful than our  criticism designating it so.” – Anton Ego in Ratatouille </em></p>
<p>How easy it is to criticize and complain.  It’s easy to tear down, to  put others down, and supposedly build ourselves up in the process,  isn’t it?</p>
<p>I am most often surprised at the seething criticism and spite that  comes from people within the same artistic disciplines or within the  same faith.  For example, many <a href="http://www.djocreative.com/the-photography-edge.html" target="_blank">photographers seem to thrive on tearing other photographers apart.</a> They have certain ‘standards’, questions they ask to bait you, such as “<em>Well, did you ever shoot with film?</em>”   They ask this as though photographers of the digital age using digital  cameras and digital darkrooms are less of an artist, as though it  requires less of a vision, or less of an ‘eye’, or less knowledge.</p>
<p>They’ll pounce on others and tear them down and tear them apart, decrying any level of success that they have.</p>
<p>It’s so much easier that way.  It’s easier than, say, stepping in and  coaching and helping that person (if they desire that).  Or wishing  them well.  Or even, in a more positive vein, building up something  ‘better’.  It’s easier to sit back, not expend any energy, not get  invested, and just criticize.</p>
<h2>It’s Everywhere</h2>
<p>We’re capable of doing that in any area, aren’t we?  We tear down  movies, art, other people’s work, other people’s accomplishments.  We  tear down the church, the pastor, the worship leader.  We sit and  complain and criticize rather than doing something.</p>
<p>Nevermind that we don’t even give credit for someone having the  nerve, the guts, the sheer courage to put themselves and their work out  there.  We don’t give them credit for the time, effort, sweat, the hard  work that they put in.  We don’t give them credit for being ‘where they  are’ and that they’ll grow and develop and become better over time.</p>
<p>Nevermind all that.  Getting to that point alone takes work.  But what about going even deeper?</p>
<h2>Other Options</h2>
<p>To be truly honest?  I struggle with this at times.  I do.  I’m as  guilty as the next person at times. For me, it is especially difficult  when I come across things that I am absolutely, 100% diametrically  opposed to.  I struggle very often with the movements (oh yes, there’s a  movement) out there in ‘the Christian world’ that wants to define for  us what a ‘true woman’ is.  <a href="../2010/03/06/but-i-dont-bake/" target="_blank">And of course, she bakes. </a> <img src="http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif?m=1303185160g" alt=";-)" /> Her sole purpose in life is to procreate.  She cannot fulfill God’s  purpose for her without doing so. There’s a certain type of woman we’re  meant to be and the rest of us are not ‘true women’.  And so on.  You  know the drill.</p>
<p>Ya think that might get to me?  Yeah.  It does.  And what I’ve wanted  to do is rant and rave and scream and yell.  What I’ve wanted to do is  get my back up and tell ‘them’ what they can and cannot tell me — and  who God says I am, and that He outranks them, thank you very much.  ;-)  I’ve wanted to point out the traits that they criticize in other women  are the very traits they’re exhibiting.</p>
<p>And then it hit me.  That’s the easy answer, isn’t it?  It’s easy to  shake your fist at the wind.  It’s easy to get wrapped up in emotion and  start standing on chairs and yelling and screaming.  It’s easy to join a  populist-styled ‘movement’.</p>
<p>It’s harder to do as we’re told in James 4:</p>
<blockquote><p>“Do not speak against one another, brethren.  he who  speaks against a brother, or judges his brother, speaks against the law  and judges the law;  but if you judge the law, you are not a <strong>doer</strong> of the law but a judge of it.  There is only one Lawgiver and Judge,  the One who is able to save and destroy, but who are you to judge your  neighbor?”  - James 4:11-12</p></blockquote>
<p>Does that mean we just let it go and don’t <strong>do</strong> anything?  No.  But it changes your perspective as to what you do and  how you do them.  It’s harder, for example, to leave them to the work  they’ve chosen to do — and to step back and decide instead — to build  something.  <a href="../2010/04/05/be-the-change/" target="_blank">To ‘be the change</a>‘.   It’s harder to disengage and instead find and build a community that  uplifts and builds us up to be who God meant for us to be.  <a href="../2010/03/09/who-are-you/" target="_blank">That celebrates who we are</a>.   That brings people together in a positive way that helps others and  contributes.  It’s harder to welcome a variety of voices that builds a  beautiful, vibrant chorus when singing all together.</p>
<p>What have you been criticizing and complaining about lately? What  really gets you going?  Is there something there that you can do  instead?  Ways you can contribute?  Ways you can build something  positive out of it and rather than criticize, create?</p>
<p>Love,</p>
<p>deb</p>
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		<title>Are You Flying By A True Horizon?</title>
		<link>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/12/truefalsehorizon/</link>
		<comments>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/12/truefalsehorizon/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 12 Apr 2010 10:12:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Deb</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Faith]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://future-smiling.com/?p=86</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I love the walking on water story.  Seriously.  Love it.  Most people, when they start talking about it, like to focus in on the part about getting out of the boat.  If you want to walk on water, you’ve got to ‘step out in faith’, you’ve got to get out of the boat.  It’s true, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://debjowen.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/newsun.jpg"><img title="newsun" src="http://debjowen.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/newsun.jpg?w=300&amp;h=200" alt="" width="300" height="200" /></a>I  love the walking on water story.  Seriously.  Love it.  Most people,  when they start talking about it, like to focus in on the part about  getting out of the boat.  If you want to walk on water, you’ve got to  ‘step out in faith’, you’ve got to get out of the boat.  It’s true,  Peter exhibited faith — and he took action.  But then something else  happened.  He started to sink.  There he is, walking along on the top of  the water in the middle of a storm, happy as you please.  And he began  to sink.  Right?</p>
<p>Well, okay.  That’s not the whole story.  There’s that other thing.  There’s this part:</p>
<blockquote><p>“But seeing the wind, he became afraid, and beginning to sink, he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!” – Matt. 14: 30</p></blockquote>
<p>He got distracted.  He got distracted and he became full of fear as  he began to lean to his own understanding.  I imagine it went something  like, <em>“I’m walking on water.  And there’s a storm.  And lots of  wind.  Wait!  This is crazy!  It doesn’t make any sense.  Things like  this don’t happen!  There’s no way this can be true, no way this can be  happening.  I’m gonna die!”</em></p>
<p>Okay.  Maybe he didn’t have time to think all those thoughts.  But you get the idea, right?</p>
<p>Nothing changed.  His circumstances didn’t change.  The boat was  still there.  The storm was still raging.  Jesus was still there.  He  was walking on water.</p>
<p>But his focus changed.</p>
<h2>Peter &amp; JFK Jr.</h2>
<p>Remember  when John F Kennedy Jr’s plane went down as his was flying to Martha’s  Vineyard?  One thing that was mentioned over and over again at that time  was that he had ‘lost his horizon’.</p>
<p>Certain cloud formations, poor weather conditions, and darkness can  cause a pilot to lose the true horizon, especially over bodies of large  water.  They can become severely disoriented.  Up feels down.  Down  feels like it’s sideways.  Sideways feels like it’s ‘right-side-up’.   It’s called ‘a false horizon.’</p>
<p>If the pilot continues to rely solely on <strong>the way he feels</strong>, or even the way things <strong>appear</strong> to be,  he can easily end up flying upside down thinking it’s right side up and fly straight into trouble.</p>
<p>But there’s an instrument on planes.  It’s sole purpose is to indicate the <strong>true</strong> horizon.  If a pilot begins to feel that disorientation or even just  recognizes that conditions are unfavorable, they can rely on that  instrument to give them a true horizon, and therefore actually know with  certainty which way is up.</p>
<h2>Where’s Your Focus?</h2>
<p>The same thing happens to us in life.   We have a dream.  We have a  goal.  We commit to living our lives as a Christian.  We get out of the  boat.  We step out in faith.  We take action.</p>
<p>And then we look around.  We get distracted.  We lose sight of the  important things, of our core values.  We start focusing more on money,  or hanging on to a particular relationship, or status, or getting to  that perfect weight on the scale.</p>
<p>Or we get distracted by ‘issues’ that tick us off (that’s a big one  for me), or looking around at what other people are doing and how  they’re doing and how quickly or easily (we think) they got there.  We  start to gauge what we expect to happen based on the conditions we see  around us.  The wind, where we <em>think</em> the horizon is, where we <em>think</em> we are, what we <em>think</em> is going to happen, the things we <em>think</em> we know.</p>
<h2>Time to Ask</h2>
<p>All we have to do to get back on  track — is ask.  After all, when Peter realized he was sinking, he cried  out “Lord!  Save me!”  And verse 31 says,</p>
<blockquote><p>“And <strong>immediately</strong>, Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him….”</p></blockquote>
<p>Get your eyes focused back where  they belong.  Look to your instrument panel (God) for the true horizon,  no matter how you may feel at the moment.  And ask.  You’ll be walking  on water again in no time.</p>
<p>Is it time to get refocused and  ask for help?  What do you need to stop focusing on or worrying about?   Are your eyes on a true horizon?</p>
<p>Love,</p>
<p>deb</p>
<p><em>(photo credit: Deb Owen)</em></p>
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		<title>His Mercies are New Every Morning</title>
		<link>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/09/his-mercies-are-new-every-morning/</link>
		<comments>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/09/his-mercies-are-new-every-morning/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 09 Apr 2010 10:10:12 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Deb</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Who You Are]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://future-smiling.com/?p=84</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[As I head off to hang with a group of women I’ve not been able to hang with for a few weeks, this video came to mind.  I not only love the words, the message, the ‘his mercies are new every morning’ part (ha) — but love seeing this group of women having fun singing [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>As I head off to hang with a group of women I’ve not been able to  hang with for a few weeks, this video came to mind.  I not only love the  words, the message, the ‘his mercies are new every morning’ part (ha) —  but love seeing this group of women having fun singing together.  (By  the way, hang on long enough to watch the clips talking about worship. <img src="http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif?m=1221156566g" alt=";-)" /> )</p>
<p>Love,</p>
<p>deb</p>
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		<title>Helping Others Smile at the Future</title>
		<link>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/08/helpotherssmileatthefuture/</link>
		<comments>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/08/helpotherssmileatthefuture/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 08 Apr 2010 10:07:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Deb</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Be the Change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hope]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://future-smiling.com/?p=82</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I’ve had a few comments/emails about the post I asked Desiree if I could use here on human trafficking.  The comments go something along the lines of “if we’re supposed to smile at the future, isn’t that sort of depressing”? Well yes.  It is.  Human trafficking is depressing.  Poverty is depressing.  The fact that nearly [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I’ve had a few comments/emails about the post I asked <a href="http://desireeadaway.com/" target="_blank">Desiree</a> if I could use here on<a href="../2010/03/23/fields-factories-homes-and-brothels/" target="_blank"> human trafficking</a>.  The comments go something along the lines of “if we’re supposed to smile at the future, isn’t that sort of depressing”?</p>
<p>Well yes.  It is.  <a href="http://www.thea21campaign.org/" target="_blank">Human trafficking </a>is depressing.  <a href="http://www.one.org/us/" target="_blank">Poverty</a> is depressing.  The fact that nearly <a href="http://generositywater.com/" target="_blank">one billion people around the world don’t have access to clean water </a>is depressing.</p>
<h2>But here’s the thing.</h2>
<p>It’s only depressing if we resign ourselves to the belief that there  is nothing we can do about it.  Some, when faced with problems such as  these become despondent, think ‘there’s nothing we can do’ and give up.   And yes.  That is depressing.</p>
<p>But others become inspired.  Others become motivated.  Others look  for opportunities and other people to work together to put even a small  dent in the problem.  Those people, <strong>rather than give up, become inspired….and determined…and have hope.</strong></p>
<p>Besides, we have a future we can smile at.  And once you find that  out for yourself, once you truly smile at your own future…..there’s a  next step.</p>
<p>I believe that once we know that we have a future we can smile at, it  is our responsibility to show others that they have one as well.  I  also know (and come on, you know this too, this isn’t new)….I also know  that there is plenty of instructions throughout the Bible, not to  mention Christ’s example as we’re to become Christ-like, about helping  the poor, the sick, the needy, the widows and orphans, etc etc and so  on.</p>
<p>Right?</p>
<h2>Find Your Niche</h2>
<p>For me, I’ve always been a ‘global issues’ kind of girl.  I have  friends who do most of their work on their block and down the street.   That’s okay.  We are each given different types of strengths, talents,  and gifts that we’re meant to put to use.  And we’re also each given  different ‘desires of the heart’, different things speak to each of us.   That’s because there’s enough to be done out there in the world that no  one person can do it , so we need people to work in different areas and  on different issues.</p>
<p>And faith?  Faith requires action.  Faith requires works.</p>
<blockquote><p>What use is it, my brethren, if a man says he has faith,  but he has no works?  Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is  without clothing and in need of daily food and one of you says to them  “Go in peace be warmed and filled” and yet you do not give them what is  necessary for their body, what use is that?”  Even so faith, if it has  no works, is dead, being by itself – James 2 14-17</p></blockquote>
<p>I believe we have a responsibility to those who can’t help  themselves, to those who don’t have a voice. I believe we have a  responsibility to future generations.   I believe we have a  responsibility to those who don’t smile at the future to help them be  able to do that.</p>
<p>Besides, <strong>one of the best ways to find a future you can smile at is to get your mind off yourself and to serve others</strong>.  So it works all the way around.</p>
<p>I may talk from time to time here about specific issues.   The  intention behind that is not just to bring awareness and hopefully, as  this grows, begin to be able to do more and more work in those areas.</p>
<p>The intention behind it is to encourage you to find where you can use  your talents to help others in whatever way you can.  If the most you  can do today truly is to pray — then do that.  Do something.  It will  help you — and it will help give them a future they can smile at as  well.</p>
<p>Since we’re talking about this today, I saw this brief, one-minute video from <a href="http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/" target="_blank">Not For Sale</a> on Twitter yesterday.  It just gave me a little hope and a little smile  to see people in Cape Town, SA praying for those trapped in slavery  today.  And yes, it’s people praying.  But that’s powerful.  It’s  powerful indeed.</p>
<p><object width="640" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/RA6ncSowmhA&#038;hl=en_US&#038;feature=player_embedded&#038;version=3"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/RA6ncSowmhA&#038;hl=en_US&#038;feature=player_embedded&#038;version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object></p>
<p>What can you do?  Where can you help?  How can you share the way to a bright future with others today?</p>
<p>Love,</p>
<p>deb</p>
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		<title>Forgiveness &amp; Consequences</title>
		<link>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/07/forgiveness-consequences/</link>
		<comments>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/07/forgiveness-consequences/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 07 Apr 2010 10:01:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Deb</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Guest Posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pressing On]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://future-smiling.com/?p=80</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[(Today’s guest post comes to us from the lovely Viviana Sutton.  Vivana is an uber-multi-tasker who keeps things moving as the Content and Community Director over at WorkHerWay.com.  She’s an amazing and gifted woman, with a great perspective and a lot of value to say.  ;-)) Whenever misbehaving kids get sent to the office at [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://debjowen.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/vivianasutton.jpg"><img class="alignleft" title="vivianasutton" src="http://debjowen.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/vivianasutton.jpg?w=170&amp;h=170" alt="" width="170" height="170" /></a></p>
<p>(<em>Today’s guest post comes to us from the lovely Viviana Sutton.   Vivana is an uber-multi-tasker who keeps things moving as the Content  and Community Director over at </em><a href="http://www.workherway.com/" target="_blank"><em>WorkHerWay.com</em></a><em>.  She’s an amazing and gifted woman, with a great perspective and a lot of value to say.  ;-))</em></p>
<p>Whenever misbehaving kids get sent to the office at my little boy’s  school, they have a talk with our (awesome) principal. When they  apologize, he always praises them for doing so, and clearly tells them  he accepts the apology and forgives them. The young ones get a hug or  handshake.<br />
Then, he will gently say the same thing every time, “You know, there’s still going to be a consequence for this.”</p>
<p>They learn the importance of apologizing, they learn to forgive  because they’ve been forgiven, and they learn that he loves them even  when they behave in a way that is not lovely.</p>
<p>They also learn that sitting out for recess is painful and not  something they want to have to do again, and that helps to keep them  from doing whatever it was again. It also helps the other kids to know  that if they misbehave in school, they might be sent to the office.</p>
<p>I confess that I’m having trouble with the fact that, this past  August, Scotland released a mass murderer (the Pan Am 103 bomber), who  killed over 200 people, including babies, because he appealed on  humanitarian grounds because of his cancer. He went home to a victorious  welcome in Libya.</p>
<p>For their own peace and often because of their own beliefs, many of  the grieving relatives of the murder victims have had to come to terms  with what this man did by choosing to forgive him. That is an awesome  display of love for humanity. Particularly since I don’t recall hearing  that the man humbled himself and asked for their forgiveness. They gave  it anyway, which is biblical and very difficult to do, I’m sure.</p>
<p>However, there still has to be a consequence.</p>
<p>I’ve heard it pointed out by a few people that expecting this  terrorist to spend the rest of his life in prison is terribly harsh and  “unforgiving.” No, forgiveness does not remove the reality of a  consequence. Don’t accuse these people of not having forgiven him just  because they expect him to remain in prison. The forgiving was probably  really, really hard for them to do and now the world is going to say  they didn’t do it?</p>
<p>Another example: If a husband or wife is unfaithful, there is a  chance that their spouse will forgive them. However, damage was done,  rebuilding needs to happen, and things will be difficult for a time,  even when both husband and wife are truly seeking to mend, not to  punish. Actions have consequences, and the cheater cannot rightfully  expect that everything will go back to exactly as it was, immediately.  That doesn’t mean the spouse did not truly forgive.</p>
<p>Maybe the marriage will end up stronger because they endured the  consequence of the difficult times. That’s God using something for good,  and it wouldn’t have happened if there hadn’t been not one, but TWO  things: Forgiveness and consequences.</p>
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		<title>Letter to My Younger Self (Advice for Future Generations)</title>
		<link>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/05/letter-to-my-younger-self-advice-for-future-generations/</link>
		<comments>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/05/letter-to-my-younger-self-advice-for-future-generations/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 05 Apr 2010 09:59:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Deb</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hope]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Who You Are]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://future-smiling.com/?p=78</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Over at WorkHerWay.com, Carolyn posed the question ‘what do we need to be doing to raise girls for success?’ that led to a few of us bandying about the other question:  what do we wish we could tell our younger selves? I’m pretty lucky.  I had parents who placed my value and worth in who [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://debjowen.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/n566929040_683012_9991.jpg"><img class="alignleft" title="n566929040_683012_9991" src="http://debjowen.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/n566929040_683012_9991.jpg?w=219&amp;h=300" alt="" width="219" height="300" /></a>Over at <a href="http://www.workherway.com/" target="_blank">WorkHerWay.com</a>,  Carolyn posed the question ‘what do we need to be doing to raise girls  for success?’ that led to a few of us bandying about the <em>other</em> question:  what do we wish we could tell our younger selves?</p>
<p>I’m pretty lucky.  I had parents who placed my value and worth in who  I was, and encouraged me to be myself.   Still, if I’m completely  honest, I think my parents always believed more in my talents and  abilities than I did.  Actually, if I’m completely honest, it’s possible  that they still do.  On the talent front alone, dad is convinced I’m a  better singer than I actually am — and mom is convinced I’m a better  writer than I actually am.  Well, in my mind anyway.  <img src="http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif?m=1221156398g" alt=";-)" /></p>
<p>And that would be my first bit of advice to my younger self:</p>
<h2>Give Up Perfection</h2>
<p>Give it up.  It’s not going to happen and isn’t possible anyway.  You  won’t look perfect, compared to those women in the magazines – you  know, the women who don’t actually look like that anyway (thanks to  photographing with lighting, angles, etc – adding in airbrushing and the  other wonders of Photoshop, trying to live up to an ideal that doesn’t  exist to begin with can get exhausting)</p>
<p>You also won’t be Cartier-Bresson the moment you pick up a camera or  Hemingway the moment you start to write, but that’s okay.  You aren’t  meant to be like them anyway.  You’re meant to develop your own unique  combination of strengths, talents, and gifts.  You’re meant to forge  your own path, be true to yourself, to your calling and your journey.</p>
<p>And you know?</p>
<h2>You’re ‘Better’ Than You Think You Are</h2>
<p>I heard an interview with <a href="http://carriefisher.com/" target="_blank">Carrie Fisher </a>once  where she talked about how much she hated how she looked when she was  in Star Wars because she thought she was fat.   But now, she looks back  at photos from that time and thinks she was prettier (and thinner) than  she thought at the time.  So she realizes that 20 years from now she’ll  look at pictures of herself now and think the same thing.</p>
<p>I’d tell that ‘younger me’ that she’s smarter than she thinks she is,  more talented than she thinks she is, more capable than she thinks she  is, prettier than she thinks she is.  I’d tell her that she just needs  to know that, and run with it.   Again, I’d tell her that she has  strengths and gifts that are uniquely hers, combined with a personality  and a voice that only she can bring to the world in her own unique way.   I’d tell her ‘there’s only one you and only ever will be one ‘you’,  embrace that and fulfill that as much as you possibly can.’</p>
<p>Of course, the thing that got in the way of that more than anything  back then came down to one thing — boys.  Well, boys and the roles I  thought had to be played.  Between the boys and the bosses who  repeatedly told me to be small, to keep silent, to hold back my truth,  to be less than I am, I wish my younger self would have known:</p>
<h2>Be All of Who You Are &amp; Find People Who Can Take It</h2>
<p>Rather than playing small for others, realize that them asking you to  do that says more about their feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.   Don’t play small for them, find others who play as big a game as you  do.  They’re out there, you know.  You might have to do some work to  find people who can let you be as strong, as powerful, as confident, as  talented, as smart as you are…..but they’re out there.</p>
<p>Compromise, an argument many of those people will make to convince  you to change for them, is necessary in relationships, but being less  than you are isn’t compromise — it’s self-destruction.  It’s destroying  parts of you just to make someone else comfortable and not only is that  not healthy for either party — it won’t last anyway.  You won’t be able  to maintain it, living small.  Find the real friends.  Hold out for the  real deal.</p>
<p>And mostly, I’d tell my younger self, you won’t get any of that until you find God.</p>
<h2>Goodbye Insecurity, Hello True Value &amp; Worth</h2>
<blockquote><p>Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…. Jeremiah 1:5</p></blockquote>
<p>Find God, and in Him, find yourself.  Make Him the center of your  life.  Let Him make you into who He designed you to be, and bring the  opportunities and destiny He has planned for you.  (Find out for  yourself who God says you are.  Don’t let man tell you who he thinks God  says you are.)</p>
<blockquote><p>Delight yourself also in the Lord,  And He shall give you the desires of your heart.  Psalms 37:4</p></blockquote>
<p>Find the desires of your heart that He has given you, and the talents  and strengths He’s given you to fulfill those desires.  Find the ways  you can contribute, be of service to the world, and make a difference.   Make<strong> THAT</strong> your mission.</p>
<p>And then:</p>
<h2>Forgive Yourself Because You’re Going to Mess it Up</h2>
<p>I’d tell that younger version of me a few other things too.  Things  like…..the thing you think is the end of the world right now really  isn’t.  In fact, some of the biggest ‘tragedies’ of your life will  eventually look like mere blips on the radar screen of your life.  And  you’re going to mess some things up.  You can only know what you know.   You’ll do the best you can given what you know and the circumstances  you’re in — and as Maya Angelou says, when you know better, you’ll do  better.  So cut yourself some slack.  Stop worrying so much, enjoy it  all more.  Contribute.  Serve.  Use your talents and abilities to make a  difference.  Let God handle the rest.</p>
<p>What would you tell your younger self?  What advice would you give future generations?</p>
<p>Love,</p>
<p>deb</p>
<p><em>(Photo credit:  No idea really, but that’s me about age 5;  ironically since I wrote about Carrie Fisher, it’s complete with  Princess Leia hair!  ;-))</em></p>
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		<title>Be the Change</title>
		<link>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/05/be-the-change/</link>
		<comments>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/05/be-the-change/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 05 Apr 2010 09:56:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Deb</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Be the Change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hope]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pressing On]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Who You Are]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://future-smiling.com/?p=76</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A while back, over at the old blog, I wrote a post called “Well-Behaved Can Make History.”  (The full piece is still up on my ‘expert contributor’s page’ at www.workherway.com  here.) In it, I largely spoke about women’s roles in culture and in the workplace, and how they’d evolved from the Mad-Men-like stay-at-home moms and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A while back, over at the old blog, I wrote a post called “<a href="http://www.workherway.com/02-stayinthegame/well-behaved-woman-can-make-history/" target="_blank">Well-Behaved Can Make History</a>.”  (The full piece is still up on my <a href="http://www.workherway.com/02-stayinthegame/well-behaved-woman-can-make-history/" target="_blank">‘expert contributor’s page’ at www.workherway.com  here</a>.)</p>
<p>In it, I largely spoke about women’s roles in culture and in the workplace, and how they’d evolved from the <a href="http://www.amctv.com/originals/madmen/" target="_blank">Mad-Men-like stay-at-home moms and steno-pool girls</a> to clawing our way to the top while behaving more and more like men in  the process.  We clawed our way into the boardrooms, but when we got  there we got so used to having the claws out that we forgot to put them  back in.</p>
<p>And so I ended the piece with this:</p>
<blockquote><p><strong>Bright Future Ahead</strong></p>
<p><strong>….</strong></p>
<p>But I see us continuing to head this direction. To continue forging  our own paths – together. And I think that’s the best way to go from  here.</p>
<p>We can be well-behaved if we want to.  <strong>After all, our deepest  power doesn’t come when we’re breaking down doors.  It comes when we  speak our truth with dignity and grace, having finally given ourselves  permission to own who we are and to own our truth.</strong></p></blockquote>
<p>I have to admit it.  One thing that kept me out of and away from church for quite some time was that I didn’t see <a href="../2010/03/06/but-i-dont-bake/">women like me there a whole lot</a>.   I found it difficult to be a strong, confident, smart woman amongst a  seeming sea of voices telling me I must be weak.  The message that I  heard a great deal was ‘be quiet, needy, codependent….don’t think, don’t  speak, just bake, and sew and be as amenable and cute and as sweet as  possible….<strong>be</strong> the weaker vessel.”</p>
<p>The message I got was that I couldn’t <a href="../2010/03/09/who-are-you/" target="_blank">be ‘me’, the way God made me</a>,  with the gifts and talents that He bestowed me with.  I had to be what  other people wanted me to be and fit in.  And that didn’t work for me.</p>
<p>And to be honest?  I hated Proverbs 31.  No.  Seriously.  Hated it.   Mostly because you have no idea how often that passage was thrown in my  face as evidence of me not being a ‘good enough woman’.  But then I  took another look.  And man!  That woman is busy!  She gets a lot of  stuff <strong>done</strong>!  And she does stuff all on her own, like ‘she considers a field <em>and buys it</em>.’</p>
<p>And it turns out that many of those who told me that being cute and  quiet and people-pleasing really did get it wrong.  Verse 30 tells us “<em>Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain”</em></p>
<p>As I looked again, I saw things in Proverbs 31 like:</p>
<blockquote><p>She girds herself with strength And makes her arms strong….</p>
<p>Strength and dignity are her clothing and she smiles at the future</p>
<p>She opens her mouth with wisdom……</p></blockquote>
<p>I have many female friends who struggle with these things within the  church as well.  And many of us left, or are leaving.  And yet, they  also all struggle with what that means — the loss of a sisterhood, and  the effect that has on their faith.  It’s tough.</p>
<h2>Fight The Good Fight</h2>
<p>At the same time, I had to admit that I become disappointed when I  see good people give up the good fight.  A political example:  <a href="http://bayh.senate.gov/" target="_blank">Evan Bayh</a>.   I’ve liked Evan Bayh for years and anticipated (and hoped for) a  future Presidential bid from him.  Then suddenly, he announced he would  not run for another term and would  longer be serving in the Senate.   Why?  Because, he said, Congress is becoming increasingly  dysfunctional, partisan, and not doing ‘the work of the people’.</p>
<p>My reaction?  Disappointment.  Disappointment rooted mostly in  wondering what will be left if the good guys ‘give up and go home’.   Disappointment that he wouldn’t stay and ‘fight the good fight’ and  stand up for ‘doing the work of the people.’</p>
<h2>Be The Change You Want to See In the World</h2>
<p>That is honestly one of my favorite quotes — ever.</p>
<p>And as I began to think through these things, it occurred to me:</p>
<p>What about the next generation?  The girls who are coming behind us  on those paths we’ve forged now?  What about the other women who are  also searching?  Why not stay?  Why not stay and be the example?  Why  not stay and begin to talk about these things, with dignity and with  grace?  Why not find and form a strong sisterhood that serves to stay  and ‘be the change.’</p>
<p>What do you think?  Is it possible to ‘stay’ and to be the change?   In what ways can we do this?  How would that work in your world?</p>
<p>Love,</p>
<p>deb</p>
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		<title>Tell Them That I Love Them</title>
		<link>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/04/tell-them-that-i-love-them/</link>
		<comments>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/04/tell-them-that-i-love-them/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 04 Apr 2010 09:54:54 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Deb</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Worship]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://future-smiling.com/?p=74</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I am not a preacher.  Nor do I pretend to be.  I have no special dispensation.  I don’t intend for this space to become a series of sermons. But I do have a story.  And it’s Easter.  And given that great commission, it seems appropriate that maybe we take time here — from time to [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I am not a preacher.  Nor do I pretend to be.  I have no special  dispensation.  I don’t intend for this space to become a series of  sermons.</p>
<p>But I do have a story.  And it’s Easter.  And given that great  commission, it seems appropriate that maybe we take time here — from  time to time — to get real, to tell the story, and put out the call.</p>
<p>I have no special wisdom.</p>
<h2>But I do have a story.</h2>
<p>To tell that entire story would take much more time than we have.   But let me say this.  I get it.  I really do.  For those who are  ‘churched’, I have the pedigree.  I come from a family of preachers,  went to Sunday school, went to a Christian college.  I memorized the  Bible verses and got my gold stars.</p>
<p>For those disgusted with the church or ‘formerly churched’, you and I  have much to talk about, my friend.  Did I mention the family of  preachers?  Yeah.  I grew up seeing what some of those people sitting  down the pew from you were <strong>really </strong>like.  I got angry  with the people in the church.  And I got mad at God for what I saw as  Him letting my family, who serve Him well, be grossly mistreated.   (Okay.  I’m a daddy’s girl so that was mostly about my dad.  But  still….)</p>
<p>For those ‘unchurched’?  I’ve been out there.  I walked away from  church and joined your ranks.  I’ve been where you’ve been.  I’ve been  to the parties.  I accomplished my goals and did good things in my  career.  I’ve had the relationships.</p>
<p>I’ve sought enduring love, fulfillment, joy, peace everywhere I  could.  And I never found it, not for too terribly long anyway.  And  even when I looked to my faith, I couldn’t find it.  I couldn’t find it  because I didn’t understand it.  I didn’t get it because I’d subscribed  to that belief in ‘religion’ and always found myself falling short.  I’m  a sinner.  For those who like to ascribe certain weight to various  sins?  I’ve been a ‘big one’.</p>
<p>So while I believed in God and I believed His word and I believed  that Jesus came to earth and was crucified and rose again, I couldn’t  take it in because I knew I didn’t deserve it.</p>
<p>I <strong>knew</strong> I didn’t deserve it.</p>
<h2>The Good News</h2>
<p>And then it clicked.  Then I got it.  That’s the beauty of it.  I  don’t deserve it.  None of us do.  We all fall short.  I don’t deserve  it and He died and rose again <strong>for me</strong> anyway.</p>
<p><strong>THAT</strong> — is how much He loves me.  Me.  Specifically.</p>
<p>And that changed <strong>everything</strong>.  It changed how I felt,  what I thought, my view of the world.  It changed what I wanted to do  with my life.  It changed how I saw myself, my worth, my value.  It  changed my relationships.  It changed it all.</p>
<p>Getting that set me free.  <strong>That </strong>is what finally brought fulfillment and peace, even in the midst of circumstances that hadn’t really changed all that much.</p>
<h2>We are set free:</h2>
<blockquote><p>Therefore, there is now <strong>no condemnation</strong> for those who are in Christ Jesus,because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life <strong>set me free</strong> from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature,<sup> </sup>God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering.<sup> </sup>And so he condemned sin in sinful man,<sup> </sup>in  order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in  us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the  Spirit.</p>
<p>Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on  what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the  Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of  sinful man<sup> </sup>is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is <strong>life and peace</strong>; – Romans 8: 1-6 (emphasis mine)</p></blockquote>
<h2>And we are set free because He loves us:</h2>
<blockquote><p>For God so<strong> loved</strong> the world that he gave his one and only Son,<sup> </sup>that  whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God  did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save  the world through him – John 3: 16-17 (emphasis mine)</p></blockquote>
<h2>The One Thing</h2>
<p>And so if there’s one thing I want you to know today.  It’s that He rose again.  He died and He rose again…..for <strong>YOU</strong>.  God so loved the world, but that means that he ‘so loved’ <strong>YOU</strong>.  Specifically.</p>
<p>He created you as you are.  He created you as He meant for you to be.  And <strong>all</strong> of this — the whole plan, the redemption, the grace, the peace, the  lasting fulfillment, a love that surpasses all other loves and is almost  overwhelming in it’s vastness and perfection — is all for <strong>YOU</strong>.  It’s about you — and God.  And He loves you<strong> that</strong> much.</p>
<p>I’ve heard ‘religious’ people all my life say, “God loves you” in a  way that sounded vapid and ridiculous and ‘back-woods’ to me.  But think  about it.  Drink it in.  Breath it in.  God.  Loves.  YOU.  So much  that Jesus stretched His arms out on a cross to say “I love you this  much” and died – and rose again.  For you.</p>
<p>So this Easter, is it time?  Is it time to be baptized?  To be  saved?  Is it time to just….re-commit?  To reconnect?  Is it time for a  new life?</p>
<p>Love,</p>
<p>deb</p>
<p>Oh!  And…..Music!  You knew there had to be music, right?  <img src="http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif?m=1293299701g" alt=";-)" /></p>
<p>How Great Is Our God:</p>
<p><object style="height: 390px; width: 640px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/doiiH2FkIO8?version=3"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/doiiH2FkIO8?version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></object></p>
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		<title>Getting Through The Wall, The Plateau &amp; Past the Dip</title>
		<link>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/03/getting-through-the-wall-the-plateau-past-the-dip/</link>
		<comments>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/03/getting-through-the-wall-the-plateau-past-the-dip/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 03 Apr 2010 09:53:55 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Deb</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Pressing On]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://future-smiling.com/?p=72</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[There are times when I wonder.  I wonder what it must have been like on this day.  You know, that day ‘in between’.  Can you imagine?   Not just watching the crucifixion, but the loss of hope.  Everything they’d been working for and had faith in, they’d just seen come to an end.  (So they thought.) [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://debjowen.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/at-otf-out17705odv01.jpg"><img class="alignleft" title="at-otf-out17705odv01" src="http://debjowen.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/at-otf-out17705odv01.jpg?w=175&amp;h=300" alt="" width="175" height="300" /></a>There  are times when I wonder.  I wonder what it must have been like on this  day.  You know, that day ‘in between’.  Can you imagine?   Not just  watching the crucifixion, but the loss of hope.  Everything they’d been  working for and had faith in, they’d just seen come to an end.  (So they  thought.)</p>
<p>We know they rested on the Sabbath.  We know the women went to the  tomb with perfumes and spices they’d prepared.  And Luke tells us about  two guys walking the seven miles from Jerusalem to Emmaus.  They were  walking and talking and Jesus began walking and talking with them, but  they didn’t know who He was.  And He asked what they were talking about.</p>
<p>I imagine they shot him an incredulous look as they essentially asked  if he’d been living under a rock.  Being in Jerusalem and not having  heard the story would be about the equivalent of not knowing Tiger Woods  cheated today.</p>
<p>And then they said:</p>
<blockquote><p>“But we were hoping that it was He who was going to redeem Israel.” – Luke 24:21</p></blockquote>
<p>I mean, it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist, right?  He was dead.   They watched Him die.  However they thought He was going to redeem  Israel, He would have to be alive for that to happen, right?  They had  the same reaction anyone would have at that point.  It’s over.  It’s  done.  We were wrong.  We had hoped, but it didn’t happen.</p>
<h3>The Plateau, The Wall &amp; The Dip</h3>
<p>We do that at times.  We’re working hard.  We’re pretty sure the<a href="../2010/03/29/pressingon/" target="_blank"> brook hasn’t dried up</a> and we’re still working towards that goal, that dream.  But we get tired.  Or we don’t see results as fast as we want.</p>
<p>You’ve done it, right?  I’ve done it.  I get all psyched up to lose  weight.  I start eating right and working out.  I see the number on the  scale drop and buy the smaller size jeans.  And then it stops.  It  just…..stops.  And sometimes, if we’re not careful, we decide it’s not  working so we’ll grab that ice cream and skip the workout.   We call it a  plateau.</p>
<p>Runners call it hitting the wall.  A point of physical and mental  exhaustion that you feel like you actually might die from if you try to  keep going.</p>
<p>Seth Godin wrote a whole book about it called ‘the Dip.’  It’s the  moment that the new hope, the fuzzy giddiness of starting the journey  wears off and the less glamorous, less-hip, less-fun parts start.  For  doctors, he says this is the point where you hit the organic chemistry  class.  (Most people drop out about then.)</p>
<h3>Wait For the Miracle</h3>
<p>The key is to know whether the<a href="../2010/03/29/pressingon/" target="_blank"> brook has dried up</a>.   (In which case, arise! Go! Get thee to a new body of water quickly!)   Or if you’re simply in the ‘in between’.   Because the good stuff?  The  really good stuff?  It’s on the other side of the plateau, the wall,  and the dip.</p>
<p>You know, runners can make it through the wall.   They seek out  answers, learn new information about glycogen and new training  strategies and new mental strategies.  Then they go out and apply that.    Anyone who has lost weight successfully knows they can get through the  plateau (and knows how).  Anyone who is a doctor got through organic  chemistry.</p>
<p>And those guys on the road to Emmaus?  They had to assimilate new  information.  They had to see things in a different way, from a  different perspective.  They now could see that just because they’d  watched Him die, it didn’t mean it was over.  But for a moment, for a  day, they thought it was over.  They gave up and started walking.  They  started talking in the past tense.  (“We had hoped….”)</p>
<p>But it wasn’t over.  The miracle just hadn’t happened.  Yet.</p>
<p>Don’t give up before the miracle happens.  Because Maybe.  Just maybe ….your miracle happens tomorrow.</p>
<p>Love,</p>
<p>deb</p>
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		<item>
		<title>Is Your Hope Big Enough?</title>
		<link>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/02/is-your-hope-big-enough/</link>
		<comments>http://future-smiling.com/2010/04/02/is-your-hope-big-enough/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 02 Apr 2010 09:52:37 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Deb</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Faith]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Hope]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://future-smiling.com/?p=70</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I have been engaged in a great deal of reflection the past couple of days, as many around the world are. As I reread the different accounts of the crucifixion today, something struck me.  Here’s the way Mark tells it: “And those passing by were hurling abuse at Him, wagging their heads and saying, “Ha! [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I have been engaged in a great deal of reflection the past couple of  days, as many around the world are. As I reread the different accounts  of the crucifixion today, something struck me.  Here’s the way Mark  tells it:</p>
<blockquote><p>“And those passing by were hurling abuse at Him, wagging  their heads and saying, “Ha!  You who were going to destroy the temple  and rebuild it in three days, save Yourself, and come down from the  cross!”  In the same way, the chief priests along with the scribes were  also mocking Him among themselves and saying, “He saved others, He  cannot save Himself.  Let this Christ, the King of Israel, now come down  that we may see and believe.”</p></blockquote>
<p>That was it.  That was all they asked for.  ”Get yourself down off that cross, and we will believe”</p>
<p>God had something bigger in mind.  God had something bigger planned.</p>
<p>How often do we do that in our own lives?  I know I do.  I’ll have  some problem, some thing that I turn into a crisis in my head.  (Oh  yeah.  Try living in <em>my </em>head.  It’s fun sometimes!  ;-))</p>
<p>And I’ll pray.  I’ll ask.  I’ll ask for something small.</p>
<p>Or I’ll look to the future and hope — for something small.  For just  enough.  For just enough to get by, for just enough to subsist, for just  enough to maintain.  I’ll hope for just enough joy to not be unhappy.   I’ll hope for just enough love to not feel alone.  I’ll hope for just  enough…..whatever.</p>
<p>But I wonder.</p>
<p>Maybe God has something bigger in mind.  Maybe God has something bigger in mind for you than you’ve been expecting too.</p>
<p>How about you?  Are you just looking for what you think you deserve  or could comprehend as being ‘big’?  Are you just looking for a ‘coming  off the cross’ moment?  Or are you ready for the <strong>real</strong> deal?  The whole deal?  Are you ready for the bigger things that God has planned?</p>
<p>Love,</p>
<p>deb</p>
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